Seek first to understand, then to be understood. — Stephen Covey
Stephen Covey explains that seeking real understanding affirms the other person and what they have to say. He’s not wrong on this one.
Every human being desires to feel seen, heard, and understood.
So, how do we create space for this real understanding?
We can ask an effective question.
“Why?” is a common default for many of us, and my personal habit. It slices right into to the muscle of motivation and reason; it reveals how people think and what influences them.
But Why? can come across as judgmental, even if not intended as such. Tone is very important. Also, why? doesn’t always get to the heart of our felt experience. …
This is the simple formula for constant and never-ending improvement (CANI) in anything:
The linchpin of this process is the feedback. Doing something repeatedly, without more, will not help you improve. You may get faster at doing the thing, such that you can do more of it within a certain time frame, but your quality won’t necessarily improve.
Here are the three feedback channels that will help you on your path of CANI.
The same wiring that keeps us safe can also keep us small and deplete our confidence. But we can rewire our brain to boost confidence and seize momentum in our success.
There’s something that I see showing up often in the people around me, and within myself: the way in which we tend to cling to the negative feedback and experiences over the positive.
This is our evolutionary wiring. It’s how we survived — and continue to survive — in the physical world. …