5 Year Hiatus

It’s been quite awhile since I last wrote. Really anything. I had, in my mind, a whole written out speech of how I would open up this blog after being on a hiatus for about hmmm… damn near five years. In which time, I’ve learned, so many things. Which was the primary reason for my hiatus. To live. … I felt, as if, i had ran out of things to write … because I hadn’t lived.

Now, I’m a music video director. Or at least that’s what I tell myself. Sitting in a room with complete strangers. No, not exactly. I’ve known these individuals on average 1.5 years. But, low key, is that the definition of… knowing someone? What is it to… know someone?

Nick speaks, Domino responds. Or maybe I should distinguish them by name by using N and D only. As not to share their identity. This is, somewhat, personal information? Yes. Yes, I’m high. Something else that is, well, new about me. And might be the reason my friends distance themselves from me apart from my occupation “music video director” and possibly their envy of what seems success. Which I agree is success, however success to me is having those designer shoes, my nails done every two weeks, living at the Amli, driving a tessla and being flown out to various states every other week to shoot music videos. Which… in a way I could live that life. I could. Honestly it’s as easy as booking multiple music videos, charging my worth and executing the business plan set in forth effectively. Maybe…. I’m lazy. But see I couldn’t possibly be lazy, because to be lazy would be to be broke. Or not broke, that’s harsh. I think.

(*I have no clue why old friends don’t fuck with me and these are only speculations and high writings from deep feelings filled with insecurities. These writings are not meant to offend anyone.)​

Honestly who knows. Who cares. I feel I’m on a path, an incredible path that, or rather, in which I can choose what I want to do. And in a way I’m so proud of myself. Almost like, looking down at my younger self, who thought, “I’m going to be a college basketball player, playing and getting my economics and film degree,” and being like damn, even when you got knocked off that course that you perceived and thought and truly believed was the only path for you, you still went out and said I’m not gonna be nothing and truly became something and that something is still becoming and still growing into something neither she, nor me can even begin to imagine. And in ways I’m glad I took a 5 year hiatus because, now, I feel I know myself — almost. And I, have found people that have just showed me that purety and ​humanity and beautiful people still exist and that more importantly art exists. True art.

5 Year Hiatus.​