Happy One Year Love! #Fidget On

Part ii: About that Position… Time/Intuition Intertwine

Hi Hi! Thanks for swinging by again! I’m going to be diving more into details! So, get comfy and let me get you in on the drama ;)!

Anybody in their right mind would hold onto such a position. Especially at a University and UWaterloo! [*wootwoot] I mean c’mon my parents loved mentioning it to my relatives, my relatives didn’t ask any further questions beyond the “where” because the “what” didn’t matter at this point.

This was a permanent position at the University I attended, this was my opportunity to give back and be part of a system and work with people I had looked up to as an undergraduate.

TRUTH: I wasn’t like any other graduate, I really didn’t want a job because I was working on pursuing and learning the ropes to bringing Fidget to life.

REALITY was that like any other parents and relatives, especially in the South Asian community, I was in desperate need of a job, a ‘REAL’ job, to shut the nagging and close minded yet loud mouths to quit being on my new graduate stage.

Fortunately for me, because of my volunteer work and experiences on campus, and the leave of the previous person in this position; the Special Events Co-ordinator position opened up. This was perfect!

TRUTH: Perfect because I’d still be in Waterloo and indulge in the entrepreneurial ecosystem simultaneously with work!

REALITY: My parents were half happy that I was finally employed but torn because I was heading back to Waterloo; and to them, that meant no catching up on all the missed family time. Emotional blackmail much? LOL.

So, I did what any other efficient human wouldn’t do, I commuted. For the first three months it was all about catching the GO Bus from Square One to Waterloo at 5:45 am. Which meant waking up at 4:00 am. And then, commuting back, which wasn’t too bad because I got to chat with familiar faces and/or work on some startup work. But this darn commute took 6 hours out of my day- on good days. You’re probably thinking, with widened eyes- GIRL, you crazy! Trust me, if you heard the shake in my mum’s voice you’d do anything to make it back home to Scarborough. My coworkers suggested I move to Waterloo but they didn’t get it when I explained to them that I wasn’t only trying to meet the expectations at work, but I had “cultural” expectations to meet.

[Let me BREAK this down just a little] As a South Asian GIRL, it isn’t every family that allows, or accepts their little girls to go abroad or to a city that’s only 2 hours away, for University. [Mine did because I didn’t and wasn’t going to go anywhere else.]
As a South Asian GIRL: I’ll save this for another blog, but I’ll be sure to share a talk I did at the EUREKA Gala, it definitely covers this!

All in all, I commuted. I commuted for 9 months, Monday to Friday and even some weekends, from Scarborough to Waterloo. Call me crazy, but I learned to tweak my patience, productivity, and time discipline. I worked — I made all my conference calls, product related meetings through calls during these commutes. So the car I bought in December was definitely not a shabby step.

Expectations; Expectations; Expectations!!! I was balancing everyone’s expectations around me than my own. I kept feeling trapped. Trapped within such a creative role that my manager never let me take risks in,I mean, HELLO, I’m a frikken SPECIAL EVENTS Co-ordinator. Not an events recycling robot[INSERT Eye-Rolling Emoji].I was trapped with a side hustle that meant so much more to me, and trapped in the box of ‘I can’t and shouldn’t disappoint my parents.’

I grew more and more unhappy, and till this very day of resigning my job, I never complained about the commute because I truly was invigorated by the amount of young undergraduates and leaders I got to interact with, and simply bring events to life that left timeless impacts within the student body’s experience and Campus Life. I grew unhappy though, sooo unhappy.

I didn’t want to feel trapped any more. End of April into May, I began complaining about my job every time I got home and every morning I had my one-on-one meeting with my work wives. [Obviously not a good sign- the complaining I mean, not the wives because they’re awesome!] I was drained, but I continued because I didn’t want to let my student leaders and my coworkers down. I wasn’t and am not a QUITTER and yet it got to the point where I couldn’t work in a hostile environment nor could I neglect my OWN expectations.

If you’re working in an environment where those around you don’t respect your value or realize they’re purpose — I can give you a specific example: my manager did not understand his purpose. He had his obnoxious comments, was ingenuine with showing appreciation to my ideas, and he didn’t and never understood that HE WAS the problem. He didn’t understand what a manager role entails, it’s more than just “managing” those under you. It’s more than simply setting up weekly meetings to make snarky comments, talk about the same old sh*t over and over again without any progressive, new, and change worthy ideas!

My manager would also claim that he had this “cone” around him. This allows him to say or feel anything he’d want. I totally wasn’t about that at all. I stood my ground each time I heard the most inappropriate or idiotic comments. This was something that came of surprise to him because it was the first time someone had ever addressed a clear point to shutting him up or shining light on “what you’re saying is not acceptable.” I can’t blame him, because those surrounding him, working for him, managing him, have allowed him to commit the wrongs along with the rights. He took that privilege and tenure within the department because he was accepted that way. No one took the social responsibility to call out poor leadership. Sucks to be him.[Shoulder shrug.]

If you want to know what that final straw was, that final battle that made me commit to this decision of quitting, leave a comment below and I’ll definitely share. It may or may not have to do with my boy Drake. #views.

I had asked him to read my resignation letter and had set up my final meeting with him. I had asked for feedback and if he had any in regards to things I needed to work on and/or improve… the man responded with, “In my 25 years of working here, I have never; never have I had a working relationship like this one.”

My face began to react slowly with the eyebrow raise, and stiffer face because ain’t nobody smiling about anything here at this moment.

He continued, “Renish, I don’t know about you but I always believe and live by ‘forgiving and forgetting’.”

My face again… at this point I knew I was done. I knew I had made the best decision. I asked him to, “Say no more, that right there [NAME] just showed me that you strongly believe I was the problem. But in reality you are and good luck with the others you manage because it is definitely my que to go.”

“Thanks for all that you’ve done, didn’t do, and that you’ll hopefully realize and do some day.” [BYE FELICIA, Lol.]

I didn’t even look back to see how he responded. All I felt was the energy in the room go cold. I was so disappointed for trying and holding on since the first time I thought of quitting. Even at that very moment of giving in my resignation letter, I was hoping his response would make me want to stay even until the end of the year or after Fall Welcome Week; but obviously the story didn’t happen like that and MAAAN am I glad!

If I didn’t say it before, “Quitting was the BEST decision I could’ve ever made!” And the timing was crucial as my dad was hospitalized out of blue a few weeks later. Many of you may have experienced the hospital system… yep, not the most consistent so it was vital that I stayed with my dad throughout his entire stay which lasted about a month and a half. Again, talk about timing eh? [BTW, he’s doing so much better :) ]

This is where my wonderful parents played the role I’ve always wanted them to play since planting the Fidget Toys idea seed. I’ll tell you more about it in my next blog!

Let TIME synergize with your INTUITION. Just like your heart knows what it wants and works with your mind to make sh*t happen, timing has that thing with your innerself. Let things happen, study and stay in tuned with your emotions. If you grow unhappy, figure out why and confidently walk outta there sweet pea! Because I KNOW you’ll figure out your next move — with a change of time and space and away from some humans that simply don’t see how bright you are. TRUST ME.

Much love and high-5’s to you lad.

Keeping Calm is Overrated, #FidgetOn

Rennish Kamal.