Honor Doesn’t Have to Be Dark
There are negative first impressions when the subject of honor is brought up in conversation, says author Carl Elliott. Yet there is a different side to it — an important one — as well, he has learned.
“I think the reluctance of anybody these days to talk about honor, at least in a positive way, is that it has a very dark side to it,” Elliott told Mary Elizabeth Williams recently in an interview at Salon.com that examined his book, “The Occasional Human Sacrifice: Medical Experimentation and the Price of Saying No.”
“The dark side (of honor) is violence,” Elliott states. “The number of wars and mass murders and bar fights and any number of violent encounters that result from someone feeling as if their honor has been challenged, or their self-respect has been challenged, or they’ve been insulted in some way, is very much part of the honor ethic.”
Most people will say that we need far less of that type of reactive behavior.
Elliott wants us to consider the other side, one that is valuable for our personal development, in relationships and in situations that we likely will find ourselves in professionally, in battles of ethics, right and wrong and possibly, good versus evil.
When it comes to our best selves, he says that what we ultimately decide to do and not do is where we show our strength.
“Honor is all about your obligations to yourself,” Elliott learned from others. “It’s about maintaining your self-respect.”
What then makes this mindset and decision-making important to a person; why does it matter?
“Honor, in the context of maintaining self-respect and fulfilling obligations to oneself, is essential because it aligns with a person’s core values and integrity,” says Sandra Kushnir, founder and CEO at Meridian Counseling.
“This form of honor acts as an internal compass, guiding individuals to make ethical and morally-sound decisions, even in the face of adversity.”
Emotions, feelings and psychology is at play.
“It matters because it reinforces a sense of self-worth and authenticity,” Kushnir says, going on to explain that, “When individuals honor their commitments to themselves, they build trust within themselves, fostering a strong sense of identity and resilience.”
That leads to feeling more at peace and good about oneself.
“This self-respect ensures that their actions and decisions are congruent with their values, promoting psychological well-being and fostering positive relationships with others.”
Not everyone values or practices this type of honor. Instead of the more difficult, demanding path, they choose either safety or a different, maybe rationalized road. That can be understandable at times.
“Choosing the safe path often stems from fear and a lack of confidence in one’s own values and instincts,” Kushnir says. “People may worry about the potential consequences of standing up against wrongdoing, such as conflict, social ostracization or personal loss.
“This fear can lead to situational ethics, where individuals compromise their values to avoid perceived dangers.”
That’s not all that stands in the way from someone exhibiting “honor” in the form that Elliott described above.
“Societal and organizational pressures can discourage individuals from acting on their gut instincts,” Kushnir states.
“When people are not firmly rooted in their core values, they may find it challenging to summon the strength and courage needed to confront wrongdoing, leading them to take the path of least resistance.”
Inspiring oneself to think and act more honorably in situations, especially ones that badly require them, ethically and morally, can prove taxing yet that task doesn’t have to be viewed as — or experienced as — impossible.
Kushnir says someone can improve the odds through several key practices:
“Clarify Your Core Values: Regularly reflect on and define what values are most important to you. Knowing what you stand for helps create a strong internal compass.
“Build Self-Trust: Consistently make small decisions that align with your values. This builds confidence in your ability to act honorably in more significant situations.
“Seek Support: Surround yourself with individuals who share your values and who will support you in making ethical decisions. This can provide encouragement and reinforcement.
“Practice Courage: Start by standing up for your values in less risky situations. Gradually, you will build the courage to take a stand in more challenging scenarios.
“Reflect on Outcomes: Consider the long-term impact of your actions on your self-respect and integrity. Reminding yourself of the positive outcomes of acting honorably can motivate you to continue doing so.”
The potential benefit of the above-mentioned actions are powerful for our lives, Kushnir says, “because by committing to these practices, we can strengthen our resolve to act with honor and integrity, even when faced with difficult and potentially dangerous situations.”
We’re doing our part to create the life experiences — workplace, business, society and personal — we’d like.
“This commitment not only enhances our self-respect but also contributes to creating a more ethical and morally-sound environment in both our personal and professional lives.”
Michael Toebe is specialist for trust, relationship, communications and reputation. He provides consulting, advisory, professional opinion and specialized communications at Reputation Intelligence — Reputation Quality, assisting individuals and organizations with further building trust, relationships and reputation as assets and ethically and responsibly protecting, restoring or reconstructing them.
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