How do I balance between my passion and social expectations?
Rain (alias), a senior, now studies in Zhuhai while interning at an Internet company in Guangzhou. She majors in Applied Psychology with a specialization in HR.
From a student to a professional: an inside-out transformation
Rain’s upbringing is no different from millions of other mainland students’. Studying has been the only thing that matters to her since she went to primary school. She studied day and night just for getting satisfactory grades to enter a decent secondary school, a high school, and ultimately a well-known university that, people often say, will guarantee her a well-paid job.
“However, after years of study, I suddenly became directionless when I was finally sitting inside a university’s classroom,” Rain recalled. Rain’s struggle is actually not uncommon in China, where the education system is mostly exam-oriented. Under this system, almost all students receive the same training and share the same goal: to get into a good university and get a decent job afterward.
Like many others, before Rain entered the university, she simply thought of the world as an uncomplicated one since everyone was running on the same path towards the same goal: studying, taking exams, and trying to get into the best universities in the country. She had never planned her life and career path, simply because there was no time and no need to do so. Neither did she receive any training or guidance on how to make a decision. As a result, choosing her college major became her first life decision, ironically, one of the most important decisions in her life. All of a sudden, she had to decide her own path. She felt completely lost, “No one guided me. No one told me what exactly every major was like. Psychology looked good, so I chose it.”
During her first three years of college, Rain still lived like a typical Chinese high-school student: studying, taking exams, and participating in extracurricular activities. “I had no sense at all of what my future career would be like.” Only until she joined the AIESEC did she start to think about different career choices. “From this experience, I learned some essential practical skills in the workplace which could never be found in my textbooks,” she said. During her time in the AIESEC, Rain participated in various lectures and workshops related to youth leadership, professional skills, and employment opportunities, etc., and for the first time, she started to consider herself a young professional.
“I realized that young students should not regard themselves only as students whose primary responsibility is studying, but also as young professionals with global visions and ambitions.” Such a realization did not only excite Rain, but also rang an alarm in her mind: Am I too late to plan my life? With this belated coming-of-age, she propelled herself to work hard and set her goals. “I started to do skill-evaluation tests and learn what would really interest me and fit me better.” Finally, in her senior year, Rain found an internship in her major field. “Overcoming all my uncertainties, I feel relieved now.”
From thoughts to practices: never give up trying!
To set a clear goal of life is first to set a specific career direction. Rain has two ways to determine her career path. One of them is trial-and-error, and the other one is taking psychological tests so that she knows whether her intuitional choices fit her personalities.
Initially, Rain tried out different types of jobs and then eliminated those that she didn’t enjoy from her options. For example, she attempted a salesperson position but found that she didn’t like that job. “I realized that I couldn’t appreciate any of the products in the market, and yet I had to recommend those products to customers. That made me very uncomfortable.” In the meantime, her test result also showed that her personalities were not compatible with the salesperson position. So, she quickly quitted the job.
On the other hand, she scored much higher in items like empathy, self-motivation, and the ability to work in a team — desirable traits in Human Resources. Since her undergraduate major was closely related to human resources, she decided to set it as her career prospect after taking a few internships in the same field. “I really enjoy working from behind, helping other people, and pushing them forward. I can feel a strong sense of achievement when I witness people actualizing their personal values with my contribution.”
When my dream clashes with practical constraints…
While Rain is working hard towards her career goal, she sometimes feels uncertain and puddled. She asks herself: Is this really what fits me the most? In fact, she still leaves her options open and wants to continue exploring other possibilities. “I do enjoy HR, but I’m always thinking if I can take up other challenges.”
At the same time, she feels very anxious. “It seems that I don’t have enough time. Every time when I heard my family and friends question me ‘Why don’t you do this?’ or ‘Why don’t you do that,’ I would tell myself that I must find the most suitable path as quickly as I can and follow it carefully step by step.” Fortunately, despite receiving much pressure from her family and friends, she had the test result on her side, which had been giving her encouragement and motivation to continue with her passion.
As a girl growing up in a traditional Chaoshan family, Rain feels that her passion is often limited by the socially conservative institution. Although Chaoshan has contributed many intellectuals to the literary and cultural world generations after generations, it also ferments a prevalent culture of conservatism which prioritizes business over education.
“I understand that if I choose something more attractive to me, I’ll have to convince my parents and defy the tradition in my society.” At the same time, she also understands that she is not financially independent yet, and still has to consult her parents regarding important decisions. Therefore, with such a dilemma, Rain resolves to a temporary solution: to focus on things that she is capable of doing for now. “Because I’ve grown up in such an environment, I don’t want my decisions to disappoint my family. However, one day when I become financially independent and more capable of affording to do things that I’m interested in, I may consider other career possibilities.”
Even till today, the worldview of Chaoshan people is still shaped by conservative values. Those who once had their own pursuits and upheld their passions had left the region. “My grown-up environment might not have influenced me in a positive way. However, I still want to remove myself from these conservative values and take more risks to explore the world in future.”
Now, Rain is taking up challenges to meet different people, hoping to get inspirations from their stories. She especially likes to have active conversations with people who share similar values. “Honestly, I am not that confident in my pursuits, so their stories really motivate me to be persistent in my passion and to find my own identity.”
Post-interview comment
During the entire interview, the sentence that was mentioned most frequently was: “Am I too rushing?”
She confessed that she wasn’t qualified as a prepared interviewee. She was not sure about the objective of our interview and did not know what kind of story she could tell me, either. Nevertheless, her story is actually the most memorable one among all other stories I have heard. Sometimes, I wonder whether stories shared at Resonate are too far away from our readers who did not have same experiences, although they do learn new ways of thinking from those stories. However, I am not worried about this particular one. This interview reveals exactly a dilemma that an ordinary Chinese undergraduate faces: what to choose between the family’s expectation and his or her own passion.
Meanwhile, I feel both fortunate and guilty. On the one hand, I am fortunate because my grown-up environment has always been smooth: my parents have always rooted for my choice and they tried their best to give me economic and psychological supports. On the other hand, I feel overwhelmingly guilty because even though I have tried my best to empathize with Rain’s situation, I still cannot resonate with her values simply because I have never experienced it myself. To save me from my drowning guilt, I tried to provide her with two pieces of advice from my own perspective at the end of the interview:
1. Life is long. We don’t have to feel that if we are not doing something now, we won’t have the chance to try it later. Making changes is not just about changing our jobs, but also about finding the most suitable things to do during different periods and actualize our potentials. If the most suitable thing to do at this moment is to balance between our parents’ expectations and our own passions, don’t hesitate to do it.
2. There are many ways to communicate with our parents, but there is only one best way. We shouldn’t always think that “Even if I tell my considerations to my parents, they won’t be able to understand them.” Our parents grew up in different decades, so it is natural that they have different ways of thinking from ours. Therefore, we have to try to think from our parents’ perspective and to recognize how their thinking does not fit today’s circumstances. After that, we can convince them with reasons and convey our ideas to them more clearly. This negotiating process is also valuable for one’s career development.
Though I do not know whether my advice has any practical value to her, she told me immediately after the interview: “I hope that there can be more Chaoshan girls as fortunate as I am, to befriend Resonate and you. Though I’ve not known much about your project, this interview, one that is free of any personal judgment, has helped me reflect in a more profound way. Thank you.”