Let Me Have My Goldfish Standard

Everyone has setbacks in life. Mine runs in episodes. It is as if I’m addicted to the crash despite myself telling myself chronically: “Take care and be a little bit less impulsive, ok?” But before I know it, I would do it again. The thing is I have this tendency to crash my head at whatever in front of me.

After some years of observation. I realised that it is all because “I can”.

Then of course I’m always back in the cycle of wondering..why I’m like this and why I cannot just be like everyone else. You know, stay satisfied, thankful for this pay-the-bill job, stick with the guy who has a house, make some babies, swim in a better circle and be normal.

Swim, Swim & Swim…

If an average life of a goldfish is just swim, swim and swim (regardless of whether she is inside a tank or enjoying liberty at a pond), it seems I shared more similarity to a goldfish than an average cosmopolitan human being (at least in the past decade). And from the neutral look of a goldfish, it seems to have the peace of mind that I crave.

So here, I would like to reset my self-measurement and adjust my life to the standard of a goldfish. After all, any items and lists on what is a good life are hypotheses anyway.


What hypotheses am I currently measuring myself with? I mean, how did my brain come up with all those judgement of what life should be in the first place? My daring parents who risk all their living moments locked inside their brain? The society that mocks those who care shit about power and positions? By social media images of acquaintances uploading photos of their business class lounge, and not crying baby on board?

So I have made both good and bad decisions along the way and that’s it — it. To keep judging one life is senseless. Of course we can learn from the past and admit stupid things that we have undertaken once upon a time. All those moments of choosing left and right are part of life. Time, days and years connect us. (Btw, mighty good news for those lonely soul out there. I mean, if you don’t find anybody you like, at least you have many past selves to converse with. Yay).

Maybe we gonna be forever imperfect, stupid, naive and those sort of things. But so what?! If the cruise drowns this very second, does number of news coverage showing the unfortunate event mark our value as people? Or would white splashes made by our bodies against the sea make the championship?

Life Scoreboard

Really. What glory do I get by sharing the same famous scoreboard of life at the end of the day? Dwelling inside this complex sea of collective consciousness, we have to process fear and desire of our great grand parents whom we have never met, as well as that unforgettable childhood when we were called suddenly on stage, not knowing we would get an A or a F. I mean, they’re already very heavy stuff.

If there is salvation of our poor human souls, isn’t it Kingdom on earth as in Heaven. And if there aren’t, nothing matters anyway. Just drink and be merry. Paradise is all of the making in this sense. Hallelujah. The only transforming power is now. The past and future are merely narrations we hold on to feel we can somehow grasp reality. But reality isn’t tangible — it is just label inside our own english language.

Knock* Knock* You there!?

Goldfish Swimming in Atlantic.

Goldfish belongs to the fresh water. So properly, it isn’t the best metaphor to begin with. But just say they can survive in the ocean (or, I’m talking about the super powered type), they would likely hit one or two Atlantic icebergs with hidden consciousness of our fear and desire if they truly live and travel far! Bottom line is whatever story and reality we tell ourselves, we become. So all it takes to be a loser is really just call yourself one.

Most say navigate before you swim. Arha, reasonable. But swim before you navigate can turns out okay too? Being reasonable may simply results you inside that fish tank, and you don’t even know you are there! At the very least, right now with my numerous head lumps, I can tell myself “You are at the Aegean Sea sailing yet to another Greek island. Yes, YOU..the lucky spoil brat of dear life! Wahaha”