“Fortifying Against Entropy: Building a Marriage on Unconditional Love”

When we talk about relationships, particularly long-term commitments like marriage, we often use words like “work,” “effort,” and “maintenance.” But have you ever wondered why relationships require this constant attention? The answer lies in a concept borrowed from physics: entropy.

Entropy, in its simplest form, is the natural tendency of things to move from order to disorder. It’s the reason why your desk doesn’t stay organized on its own, why your garden becomes overgrown if left unattended, and yes, why marriages can deteriorate over time if not actively nurtured.

Let’s explore this concept through an analogy: imagine your marriage as a fence around your property.

When you first build the fence (or start your marriage), everything is new, sturdy, and well-maintained. The paint is fresh, the wood is strong, and it serves its purpose beautifully. You’re proud of this fence, and it makes your entire property look better.

But then, life happens. Maybe you notice a small hole in one section of the fence. It’s not a big deal, you think. You’ll get to it eventually. For now, you’d rather not draw attention to it, so you ignore it.

As time passes, something interesting happens. Weeds start growing around the hole, gradually covering it up. From the outside, your fence actually starts to look quite charming. The greenery adds character, and to passersby, it appears that you have a beautiful, vine-covered fence.

This is where entropy in marriage can be deceptive. On the surface, things might look fine, even attractive. You’ve settled into routines, you’ve learned to avoid conflicts, and from the outside, your relationship might seem stable and harmonious. The “weeds” of familiarity, compromise, and shared history have grown to cover the initial problems.

But behind this façade, entropy continues its work. The hole in the fence — perhaps representing unresolved conflicts, unmet needs, or growing resentments — is still there. In fact, it’s getting bigger. The wood around it is rotting, weakened by neglect and hidden moisture. The very weeds that hide the problem are contributing to its decay.

You might not notice it day to day. Life goes on, and the fence still stands. But then one day, a strong wind comes — a crisis, a major life change, or simply the accumulated weight of years of neglect — and suddenly, that section of the fence collapses entirely.

This is how entropy can work in a marriage. Small issues, left unaddressed, don’t simply remain static. They grow, they weaken the foundation of your relationship, and they can lead to sudden, catastrophic failures that seem to come out of nowhere.

So how does unconditional love help to combat entropy?

Now, whilst understanding entropy in relationships is crucial, there’s a powerful force that can serve as a bulwark against this natural tendency towards disorder: unconditional love. Think of unconditional love as the bedrock upon which you build your marital “fence.” This foundation, when properly laid and maintained, can significantly slow the effects of entropy and provide stability even in the face of life’s storms.

Unconditional love in marriage means loving your partner for who they are, not for what they do or how they make you feel. It’s a love that persists regardless of circumstances, mistakes, or changes. But how does this relate to entropy, and how can it help fortify your relationship?

1. Acceptance vs. Expectation

Unconditional love starts with acceptance. When you truly accept your partner, you’re less likely to build up resentments over unmet expectations. These unmet expectations are often the “holes” in our fence that, left unaddressed, can lead to decay.

Instead of ignoring these issues or letting them fester, unconditional love encourages open communication. You can address differences or disappointments from a place of acceptance rather than judgment, which makes problem-solving more effective and less damaging to the relationship.

2. Growth vs. Stagnation

Entropy often thrives in stagnant environments. Unconditional love, however, fosters growth. When you love your partner unconditionally, you create a safe space for both of you to evolve, make mistakes, and learn. This continuous growth acts as a counterforce to entropy, constantly renewing and strengthening your bond as you become each others’ biggest supporter.

3. Resilience in the Face of Change

One of the most challenging aspects of long-term relationships is navigating change. People grow, circumstances shift, and what once worked might no longer suffice. Unconditional love provides the flexibility and resilience needed to adapt to these changes without threatening the core of your relationship.

4. Proactive Maintenance

Unconditional love isn’t passive; it’s an active, chosen state. This active nature encourages regular “maintenance” of your relationship. Instead of waiting for problems to arise, partners who practice unconditional love are more likely to check in regularly, express appreciation, and address small issues before they become major problems.

5. Self-Acceptance and Self-Worth

An often overlooked aspect of unconditional love in marriage is self-acceptance. When you accept yourself unconditionally, you’re less likely to seek validation or self-worth from your partner. This reduces the strain on your relationship and allows both partners to give love freely, without the weight of responsibility for each other’s happiness.

6. Forgiveness and Healing

In any long-term relationship, hurts and disappointments are inevitable. Unconditional love provides a framework for genuine forgiveness and healing. Instead of letting these wounds contribute to the decay of your relationship, unconditional love allows you to process, forgive, and grow stronger together.

Let’s summarise…

By building your marriage on the solid foundation of unconditional love and actively practicing the universal principles associated with it, you create a powerful defense against entropy. Your relationship becomes not just a structure that needs constant repair, but a living, growing entity that can withstand the test of time and change.

Remember, entropy is a natural force, and no relationship is immune to its effects. However, with unconditional love as your foundation and guide, you can create a marriage that doesn’t just survive, but thrives, growing stronger and more beautiful with each passing year. Your “fence” becomes not a barrier, but a symbol of the enduring power of love, continuously renewed and strengthened by your commitment to each other.

If you would like to learn how to build your marriage on a foundation of unconditional love start here with my free video mini-series