Thanks for telling your story. I am most interested in anger and the connection between getting mad and being mad.
How, we seem to get angry/mad or go mad (temporarily) when we have low preparation for too high expectation.
I would be really interested in where anger fitted in your story. It sounds like anger is at the other end of the scale for you.
I am wondering if depression might be where we have too high a preparation and a too low an expectation?
And a balance between the two states gives us a more healthy outlook.