Wow, beautifully written piece. I can only think that maybe we as a society get so caught up in ceremony we lose sight of the moment.
Personally, I have been working on the moment, and how to define it while in a relationship. How to setup rules of engagement, code of conduct or as you call them vows, that will allow a partnership to cope, survive and flourish in the most trying of times.
I just thought today, though, as part of this code, there needs to be an adjustableity clause for any new pieces of information that gets added to or revealed during its time. The fact that your partnership had fertility issues being an example of this. I believe that all bets are off at that point and an adjusted code needs to be produced, such as you did, in practice.
However your still and stagnant vows remained locked away. Preparing vows to cope with such extremes is my goal, and to always have them front and foremost in the partnership.
Here is an example of one I have tentatively prepared with someone so far, I call it the love singularity or the singularity agreement:
I agree to help you understand me and you help me understand you.
I agree to test our understandings in more formal agreements together.
I agree to be willing to adjust our agreements as our understandings are revealed to not be as solid as we first presumed.
I agree to go back to our first agreement…….