Into the Deep End (Part 2)
Even the best swimmers sometimes fall victim to muscle cramps. I’ve had to repeat that to myself a lot over these past few days.
Dealing with health issues along with one of the most challenging experiences of my life has not been easy. At first there was a very real temptation to drop out, to indulge my illness and test the waters another day. But I found myself unable to do that, and slightly ashamed I’d even thought that. I overcompensated by throwing myself into my assignments as best as I could, deluding myself into thinking I could work as fast and as well as I do when I’m well. No-one has to know, I thought. As long as I could deliver, no-one had to know I was at anything less than my peak.
As it turned out, I couldn’t.
Reaching out to my BFA was difficult. I felt I’d already failed just by having to do so, like I was just making excuses. In honesty I expected to be eviscerated (or worse). Instead I got understanding and gentle reproach: I needed to communicate my constraints and manage expectations better. It was a bit of a hard pill to swallow, but the truth usually is.
Yes, my biggest issue with this bootcamp has been communication. I’ve been letting my anxiety get in the way of openness and frankness, and I know it reflects poorly on me. It’s something about me that has to change, not just for the sake of Andela but for my quality of life in general. I need to reach out more, and reach out easier, no matter how difficult it is for me to do so.
Beyond that, however, I enjoyed working on my second day assignments. My favourite of all the projects I’ve worked on so far was the HTTP & Web assignment. I’d built command line apps before but never with Node.js or web, yet the libraries I used were surprisingly easy to work with (although I’d like to look further into how they’re implemented).
So I’m entering the last day of the home sessions, and I’m committing myself to this week’s penultimate challenge with the belief that even if I sink, I’d have done the best I could given the circumstances. And that’s all that really matters in the end.