Have You Lost Sense of Who You Are?
In a globalized world, everything is merging together in a weird way.
Some researchers are speaking of a “global culture” emerging — a culture where the belief systems of people from all around the world are merging into a single whole.
I personally think that we are far away from that.
But nonetheless, for those people who have had a lot of exposure to different cultures — whether that is by working in diverse teams or by living overseas — the exposure to new ways of looking at the world can be extremely disruptive.
Milton J. Bennet writes in his book “Basic Concepts of Intercultural Communication” that it would be hard to image members of a tribe from 3000 years ago to see another tribe and say: “Ah, Diversity. How Wonderful!”
I would agree with that statement. When two tribes came across each other, it was much more likely to end up in killing one another than anything else.
The reason is simple: tribes were competing with one another for survival.
Anybody who was from another tribe, automatically was an enemy. This is exactly the way of thinking which is still hardwired into our brains.
Keeping this in mind, it simply doesn’t come natural for us to adapt to the way of thinking of another “tribe” — which today comes in the form of various different kinds of cultures.
Cultures — or collective ways of thinking — have developed because they are faster means for humans to evolve than going through the painfully slow process of biological evolution.
But cultures are the current-day equivalent of tribes. Whether that is by national culture, professional culture, class culture, or any other subculture such as following a particular type of music, we are setting ourselves apart from “others” based on our group memberships.
Being exposed to another cultural environment is highly disruptive for our sense of who we are
First of all, it creates questions of loyalty within ourselves.
The expectation people have from us to put a label on ourselves doesn’t make this easier.
Questions like: “where are you from?” may be harmless from the perspective of somebody else, but ask us to point to one aspect of our identity as the main marker of who we are.
If you respond, for example, that you are a “Lebanese-American”, then this will have a tremendous effect on your sense of self and consequently will shape your behavior as well.
This simply isn’t reflective of the complexity of many people’s identity in today’s society.
Take me as an example. When people ask me where I am from, I am forced to respond that I am from Germany. Which is true. Germany is the place where I have been born, where I spent most of my life and which has had the strongest effect on my way of thinking.
But this doesn’t take into account that I am also feeling a strong sense of attachment to the three countries I have lived in since my early adulthood — Indonesia, Australia and now Iran.
Neither does it take into account the fact that I am seeing myself as a person living my life attached to a single place, but that I am a person who loves to make myself at home wherever I am right now.
Secondly, it causes strong changes in our belief system, ultimately forcing us to go through a painful process of self-discovery.
When we are exposed to another cultural environment, we suddenly realize that there are a lot of people who absolutely do not share the assumptions we are making about the world with us.
Even if we have been cognitively aware of this before, moving to another country always is a shocking event and causes strong emotional responses.
Slowly, we come to realize that other, equally valid worldviews exist.
There are different ways of how people react to these different worldviews.
Some simply reject them altogether. Others acknowledge them but want to remain true to their roots. Others, for various different reasons, want to simply assimilate into the dominant culture in their host countries.
And yet others choose to integrate the beliefs of their host culture into their existing belief system.
Regardless of which way you personally choose, you will inevitably face some degree of emotional disruption and (hopefully) self-reflection.
Thirdly, it begins a process of personal transformation .
These different ways of reacting to a different cultural environment are the different starting points of transforming into a new person.
“Once we have been exposed to a different culture, we can never go back”.
You have been exposed to a different way of looking at the world. You understand that the majority of the people in the world do not share similar ways of thinking with you and the people from your culture of origin.
In these circumstances, it is impossible for anyone to keep thinking that their own perspective is the only real “truth” out there.
Even if you think of the new cultural perspective as something “inferior”, then nonetheless you will have to acknowledge its existence.
By necessity, this makes us aware of the fact that the cultural conditioning which we have learned from the time of our childhood is placing us into a cage of thought that is limiting our potential of understanding the world.
Once we are able of breaking free from this cage of thought, we develop the ability to look at the world from multiple different perspectives.
It is this ability to look at the world from multiple different perspectives which is ultimately transforming ourselves into a new person.
If you lost a sense of who you are, then you are in a stage of transformation
I think this is an important realization because being in a stage of transformation is not a bad thing. After all, it is part of a process of personal growth and coming closer to who we want to be.
From that perspective, temporarily loosing a sense of who you are is one of the sacrifices that you need to make if you want to become intercultural.
Becoming intercultural means having the ability to look at the world from multiple perspectives. To be able to act competently in multiple different cultures. To be able to integrate seemingly paradoxical perspectives into one single whole.
From my perspective, this should be the ultimate goal for anybody who is interested in life-long learning, personal growth and working in different cultural environments.
But of course, there is also the other side of the coin.
It is also very much possible for somebody to try so hard to adapt to another cultural environment, that they are loosing touch with their own roots: their history, memories and core values.
Our roots will always influence who we are, so attempting to erase them is neither possible, nor desirable.
Final Words
Living in a globalized world requires us to have the mental flexibility to constantly question our perspective of the world, while at the same time remaining grounded in our core beliefs.
There is no “one” answer to what degree we need to rid ourselves of the beliefs of our culture of origin while adapting the beliefs of our host culture.
Rather, every person living in a foreign country has to resolve this paradox for themselves.
You need to become aware which of your beliefs are so central to your identity that they will always accompany you and thus should never be questioned. At the same time, you need to become aware which of your beliefs are holding you back from becoming the person you want to be.
As such, I recommend you to constantly reflect on questions like the following:
- What are my core values, beliefs and assumptions about the world?
- Which memories influence the most who I am today and will always continue to shape me?
- What elements of my identity are most crucial to who I am?
- Which of my beliefs are holding me back from adapting to the other culture? Which one’s are in direct conflict with the other culture?
- How can I find ways to integrate the new beliefs I have learned with my core beliefs?
Lastly, I would like to hear from you. Have you gone through a period during which you have lost a sense of who you are? What have you done to resolve this situation? Let me know in the comments below!
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