Dealing With Two Contagions
For the second time in a week, I woke up in the middle of the night as my mind started racing, thinking about all that’s been happening as a result of COVID-19. I tried telling myself, maybe this was all just a bad dream. Maybe if I go back to sleep, it will all be gone in the morning.
A lot of us are thinking that this situation is surreal. Highways, stores, schools and parks gone empty overnight. The news headlines are unavoidably grim. Emotions are flaring. This is something we’ve seen in movies, not in real life.
Last night, I had the privilege of attending a virtual version of TechTO, a gathering of our local tech community I’ve admired for years. Over 2,000 members of the Toronto tech community gathered on a virtual platform. A first for TechTO who usually holds in-person events.
Aside from great presentations from leaders in the tech community, I found a button called “network” on the virtual platform and was quick to push it. I didn’t expect what came next.
Within seconds, I was connected to a random individual in the community and we had 2 ½ minutes to get acquainted using video. At first, the conversation was your typical business networking chit chat, exchanging pleasantries and learning what we each do.
By the time I got to the fourth person, the discussion changed. We chatted about life, how we are reacting to the current situation and what we were stressed about the most. Over the next 2 hours, I connected with 28 amazing individuals.
What I found is a lot of despair, exhaustion, and feeling overwhelmed. These were people from all walks of life.
People have lost their jobs. People were concerned for their well-being and what an uncertain future would bring. Some had families who they were separated from. Some had loved-ones working the front lines of the pandemic or at-risk from the virus. Together we laughed, cried and in those 150 seconds we had together before the video swiftly cut off, made such meaningful connections. All by changing the conversation!
It is well-known that anxiety is contagious. No matter how strong or positive you are emotionally, the headlines in your social circles these days make us all fragile. They spark emotions that spread easily from one person to another. Even more so than the pandemic itself.
Thanks to endless streams and feeds of social media, we are now connected more than ever. While we may avoid an infection by COVID-19, we may easily get infected by the fear and anxiety caused by everything that’s occurring around us.
We are dealing with two contagions. Both are toxic and dangerous, but in my opinion, anxiety will claim more victims as we are all impacted, no matter how positive or strong we are (or think we are). I was glad to see more resources dedicated to helping individuals and families address the issue head-on to cope and channel anxiety. Despite everything that’s going on, we have to continue to think clearly and creatively, manage our relationships, and make smart, informed choices.
At the same time, I took a good look in the mirror. I’m becoming infected and need to find strategies to cope and get better. I’ve started employing my own strategies for keeping things in check, which I’d like to share with you today.
Don’t stress about what you cannot control
This unfortunate pandemic is not within our sphere of control and we are all on the same boat, together. I’ve learned that putting things in perspective and telling myself that no matter what, I have no control over this situation. I have no control over the markets, economy, or any other fallout. Therefore, I cannot stress and worry about what I cannot control. Instead, I am focusing my time and energy into things that I CAN control and CAN do to make this situation better for myself and others who are important to me.
Reach out, be open, and talk about things
The experience of talking to 28 strangers about their worries and fears took a deep emotional toll on me last night. Yet, this morning I feel really great. Their stories and openness helped me understand that everyone is impacted by this situation, no matter what your role is within society. Anxiety does not discriminate. When the discussion turned personal, it felt awesome to be able to give back and share my experience in hopes of helping others cope.
This pause in our lives is actually a great time to reach out, talk to people, check-in on those who you haven’t spoken with in a while, and see how you can lend a helping hand. We can’t change what we don’t notice and talking about things openly goes a very long way.
Self-awareness
We’ve been trained to believe that strong emotions should be suppressed. We have certain (sometimes unspoken) societal rules against expressing them. Studies have shown that even though most of us believe we are self-aware, only 10–15% of people actually fit the criteria.
There are proven techniques and ways to raise self-awareness. My go-to has been meditation (although I don’t do it nearly enough) and taking time away from the noise to reflect. Writing this blog is another way to put things out there and raise my self-awareness.
This is a practice that not only helps to put things in perspective in our daily lives, but especially now, given the high range of emotions we are all going through. HBR has done a great study and some techniques for self-awareness that can be found here.
Finding the Silver Lining
It is really hard to filter through the negativity and easier to visualize the situation even worse than it is. When we enter survival mode, which is a natural human instinct, our vision narrows to the threat and reactivity replaces deliberation. This creates a deep hole filled with anxiety and fear. We are seeing this manifest in so many ways and its hard not to worry when seeing grocery stores with empty shelves or hundreds of thousands of people losing their jobs.
In reality, society has been socially distancing for the past 2 decades.
Our heads buried in devices, work and other priorities. Our concerns diverted towards who has how many likes and followers, what car we drive, or what top 20 list we appeared on. We live in an age of abundance, choice, and so much noise from platforms that vie for our attention only to sell us stuff we don’t need.
Despite the situation, there is a clear silver lining. No matter how severe your situation is and what you are (and may be) experiencing.
Families are coming closer together again. People are out there, helping each other cope and truly caring. There’s less hostility and selfishness (and someone cutting you off on the road and giving you the middle finger!). The list goes on. This is a teachable moment. Not only for our kids, but humanity in general.
I know that together, we will come out of this situation stronger than ever. With new perspective and appreciation for the simple things in life. Things we take for granted every day will be appreciated again. Our planet may get the “pause” it needs to get climate control in check. We may have avoided hostility and potential wars. The “pause button” may actually be our blessing in disguise.
Whatever happens, we will emerge from this situation and overcome it much like our ancestors have done in the past. Humans are resilient and our greatest gift is our minds. It is up to us how we put it to good use.
Finally, I’m here and open to connecting and helping anyone who would feel better by having an open discussion. Whether we know each other or not, please drop me a message and it would be my privilege to chat with you.
