Post 2 of 6: How to stay centered while engaging in politics on Facebook
So here’s tip #2 that I’ve gleaned from my personal experiments in engaging in political dialogue on social media.
I’m hoping to turn these tips, combined with your questions, feedback, and ideas, into a resource for folks who want to use their social networks as arenas of social change.
(I posted Tip #1 yesterday, which was on how I choose where to invest my energy.)
TIP #2: I pay attention to my present-moment experience, and ask 3 questions
Question 1: “What am I getting out of this interaction?”
For instance, if I’m getting nothing but a frustrating fight, it may be time to pull the plug.
But I often hang in with conversations that on the surface may not seem to be going anywhere, because I am in fact getting something out of it.
For instance, I may be enjoying the chance to articulate something I’ve felt but never said before. Or maybe I have a connection with this person, want to understand them, and want to do what I can to help them understand me.
The question, “what am I getting out of this,” does two things that stave off burnout and frustration.
One: It orients me to the present moment. And in an important way, it’s different than asking, “what do I want from this conversation,” which is future-focused, and gets me thinking in terms of goals and outcomes.
And I haven’t found outcome-focused thinking to be helpful in these kinds of interactions. Goal-setting makes sense if you are meeting with a colleague at work, where there is agreement on an agenda, shared values, and context. But online conversations usually aren’t like that.
There are more unknowns, so they are inherently more complex, unpredictable, and difficult to control. And if I’m super-focused on a goal in a context where I have little actual control over the outcome, that is a recipe for frustration and burnout.
In short, for me, the point of the interaction is the interaction itself.
Two: It keeps me focused on the fact that I am making a choice to be there, for reasons that are my own. I am choosing to be there because I want to be there, not out of guilt, or a sense of duty that it’s my job to change people’s minds.
And I am responsible for that choice, and any difficult emotions that arise out of that choice. And I am always free to make a different choice.
Owning my responsibility doesn’t really make things easier, but it is empowering, and it helps keep me centered.
Question 2: “Does what I’m getting align with my values?”
For instance, if what I’m getting is a chance to vent my frustration at a stranger, then my part of the conversation is not super-aligned with my values.
But if what I’m getting is a chance to understand another person’s point of view, then that is aligned with my values.
Question 3: “And am I ok with the amount of energy I’m putting in, given what I’m getting out of it?”
This answer, (as well as the others) will be different for everyone. We all have different levels of tolerance and unique motivations. The point is to honor that, to treat our own preferences and needs, as important factors to consider.
So what do you think? What’s been working and not working for you in discussing politics online? I’d love your thoughts in building out this resource.
