“Dear Crazy Christian…”

Happy Mardi Gras, everybody! It’s February, it’s that special Tuesday, and it’s time to celebrate! I know, it’s not what you expect from a pastor. But at our house, we love Mardi Gras.

My wife grew up in a suburb right outside of NOLA, so every Fat Tuesday I get fatter. Tonight, we’ll have jambalaya and King Cake. If you’re not wise to it, King Cake has a little plastic baby Jesus hidden somewhere inside it (Ricky Bobby would be proud). Whoever gets the piece of cake with the baby in it wins!

By the way, whoever gets that piece and doesn’t know the baby’s in it gets the Heimlich Maneuver. Consider this your “heads up”.

Of course, there’s all manner of naughty stuff that goes on during Mardi Gras, but we’ve chosen instead of boycotting it to find the things about the holiday that are “good clean fun” and celebrate them: mainly, the food, the colors, and the great music. The fact that others might be doing less Christlike stuff doesn’t keep us from enjoying the good stuff.

Oh, and I always tell my family if they’ll throw some beads at me, I’ll take my shirt off. Turns their faces red every time! ;0)

What really bothers me though are the believers who think it’s their job to turn their noses up at everything non-Christians do, and use it as an opportunity to show how much spiritually superior they are by not participating. Not only do they quarantine themselves, they also pontificate to friends on Facebook, shaming them for taking part in Mardi Gras…or Halloween…or even Christmas and Easter, for heaven’s sake!

“Don’t you know about all the paganism mixed into those events?”Well, yeah.

“Don’t you think it’s a bad testimony to participate in any way?”Well, no.

Now that you mention it, there’re a few things I’d like to get off my chest right now, dear Christian friend. In words you might understand better (I’ll try to speak Christianeze now…it’s been a while, so be patient with me), there’s some things I’d like to “share with you” to “take to your prayer closet” so you can see “if you feel led of the Lord” to adjust your life accordingly. Yeah, something like that.

Here’s my first rant…er, um, “prayer request” for you…

Dear Crazy Christian, please stop showing off about your “holiness”!

Actually, I think what’s truly a bad example are Christians who make a stink about what they DON’T DO, just to call attention to their own “righteousness”. Don’t misunderstand — I don’t think we should participate by doing our own acts of debauchery (except for the beads…throw me some and just see what happens. I dare ya!).

But I think being the cosmic killjoys who’re sitting in the corner of society pouting, self-righteously flipping through the Bible while judging everyone else’s fun is the worst example imaginable!

And that reminds me…not only is it Mardi Gras, it’s the day after the day after the Super Bowl. We had a big party at my house for our church friends, and everyone had an awesome time laughing, screaming at the TV, and eating chicken wings. And no, we didn’t mute the TV during the commercials (because some are about beer) and have a prayer circle during the halftime show. Everybody had a great time, and it was a little like I imagine heaven will be…especially the hot wings!

Oh, that leads me to my next rant…

Dear Crazy Christian, please stop criticizing non-believers for acting like non-believers!

Speaking of the Super Bowl, I used to live in Tennessee, so I’m a big fan of Peyton Manning. When he played at UT, he volunteered continually, doing so much good in the area. I’m sure he’s not perfect, but he was always a fine role model for young people when he was on the team.

So imagine my surprise when I see a post on Facebook today criticizing him for saying after his big win that he just wanted to “drink a lot of Budweiser now” and wanted to thank the “man upstairs”.

Disclaimer: no, I’m not a fan of beer, Honestly, never drank a drop of it — couldn’t get past the smell. If I’m going to drink something that smells like…well…you know…never mind. And I know God is much more than just a “man upstairs”, thank you very much.

But why is it we believers think it’s OK to publicly criticize other people? Right now, I’m tempted to use the name of the person who posted this drivel, but my basic human decency keeps me from it. Yet this Christian feels the right to call out someone he doesn’t know and has never met IN PUBLIC, just because he did something my friend wouldn’t do.

Just a question here…in what alternative universe is this even remotely LIKE JESUS?

The Jesus in the Bible called out the self-righteous, not random sinners. In fact, Jesus would be more likely to call out my Facebook friend than He would Peyton Manning. Honestly, I don’t know if Peyton Manning is a believer or not. If he is a believer, my job would be to pray for him if I thought he did wrong, not pull his pants down on my Facebook page.

And if he’s not a believer, the Bible tells me HE’S NONE OF MY BUSINESS! Why would we bother criticizing lost people for acting lost? They’re just doing what comes naturally.

Dear Crazy Christian, please grow a sense of humor!

I was having a tense conversation with another Christian once. We were trying to talk through a conflict, and getting nowhere fast.

“Well, it’s just your attitude, Dave. You don’t always seem very Christlike in your communication.”

I asked when I had been unChristlike specifically. I was certain I hadn’t said anything insulting, nor used foul language of any kind. He stumbled around for an answer…

“Like the other day when you made that joke about faith healers. You spoke of them with a note of sarcasm in your voice. I just don’t think Jesus would be sarcastic and make a joke about spiritual things.”

Seriously? Or in this case, not so seriously…

We Christians need to learn how to lighten up a bit. I know, you probably think you’ve got a “Godly sense of humor” and all. But I’m not talking about 30-year-old “Jerry Clower routines”, or the jokes you memorized from Hee Haw. My generation didn’t listen to that stuff as much as we watched Saturday Night Live and Monty Python. When we see something ridiculous, we ridicule it. And that kind of humor is a great way to unmask the ridiculousness of hypocrisy.

Sure, I understand we need to be careful not to ridicule people personally and be hurtful. I’ve gone too far sometimes and regretted it. But to be clear, my friend probably didn’t just sense a “note” of sarcasm in my tone about faith healers…there’s in fact a whole symphony of sarcasm I have for those conmen! In fact, I believe there’s a whole bunch of things masquerading today as Christianity that need a good old fashioned pie right in the face!

Every now and then, even in Christianity, someone has to point and say out loud, “The Emperor has no clothes on!”

It may actually surprise you to learn Christ Himself used irony and exaggeration in His own teaching (the “plank in your own eye” illustration, for just one example). We miss it a lot because the puns don’t make the journey through translation well, but check out theologian Elton Trueblood’s THE HUMOR OF CHRIST for an exposition of chapter and verse. It turns out the Jesus of the Bible had a much more biting sense of humor than many of my Christian friends. n fact, if some of you ever meet Him, I’m afraid He might just make you uncomfortable.

In fact, if some of my Christian friends actually met Jesus, I’d love to watch them “rebuking” Him for not being “sober-minded”. That would be one truly hilarious exchange!

Dear Crazy Christian, please stop thinking national revival depends on your candidate winning the White House!

I went to a prayer rally on the courthouse steps a few years back. I love to pray, and I love to join with other believers to pray for our nation. But what I don’t like are pretentious prayers that turn into “preaching contests” for local pastors and political rallies for candidates.

Unfortunately, a “Preach-A-Thon” and a political caucus were both on the agenda that day.

One by one, pastors got up and preached…er…I mean, “prayed” for our country to repent and come back to God. Most of the sins they sighted were also things I’m concerned about. I didn’t disagree with their diagnosis, but it was their prescription that perturbed me…

“Aaaaawwee Laaaaawrrrrd (insert preacher voice here), would you put a truly Gaaaawwwdly man in the White House again? Would you take those out of power who corrupt us and put men (I guess “not women”) of faith in positions of power and influence? Oh Laaaawwrrd, HEEEEEAAAALLLLL our land…” And so on, etc etc, with spit spraying forth anointing the crowd…amen.

(Yeah, there’s the aforementioned “sarcasm” in action. My apologies to any women and children who may be present)

Now, before you label me a heathen, let me set you straight. I pray earnestly for revival to sweep over our country, and for people to turn from the sins that are corrupting our communities. However, I do not think God is so weak that He has to sit back and wait until “the right people are elected”! In fact, I can’t see God dirtying His holy hands in the filth and dishonesty which pervades our political system right now.

The God of the Bible has an odd tendency of bypassing the powerful and influential and working through the weak. He chooses “shepherd boys” and says to come to Him as a child, not a power broker. And when He came to earth, how little He ever said about politics is as remarkable as how He repeatedly took His seat in the dirt of a servant, while avoiding the seat of authority.

The one other problem with calling on the “nation to repent” is that this is not the prescription for spiritual revival we find in the Bible. The part we keep missing is…

“If MY PEOPLE who are called by MY NAME (not Satan’s people, not the atheists, not the pornographers, but MY PEOPLE…the believers),

…shall HUMBLE THEMSELVES (What? We’re not supposed to humble OTHER PEOPLE?)

…and pray, and seek My face, and turn from THEIR WICKED WAYS (Wait a minute! I thought the bad worldly sinners were supposed to turn?)

…THEN I will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land. — 2 Chron. 7:14

Hmm. Where’s the fun in that? Calling out sinners and rallying everyone around our particular candidate was a lot more fun than we Christians actually having to repent.

I think I’ve made my point here. I’ll move along. And finally…

Dear Crazy Christian, please stop living such a selfish life so the world will finally take you seriously!

Please don’t be offended (if you aren’t already), but let me ask you a few questions…

How much more stuff do you need? I mean, you’ve got a big house with empty rooms in it, and you “say” you want to change the world, right? Well, as a foster parent, I know there are tons of hurting children who could use another foster parent or adoptive home right now. Yet you continue to keep it all for yourself and ask God to bless you with even more.

Is that really what Jesus would do with all you have? Wow.

How much bigger does your church building need to be? You’ve now got a sanctuary and classroom space sitting vacant 5 days a week, not to mention some churches with recreation and banquet facilities. All those millions of dollars worth of buildings are “outreaches to the community”, right? Of course, you didn’t build them just for you, your Christian kids and your little Christian friends to all hang out in. Of course not.

All those expensive state-of-the-art buildings stand too often as monuments to remind the community how little you care for them and the hurting around you.

How much more blessed does God have to make you before you’re satisfied with what you have? Can we seriously all stop “claiming in faith” for even more financial prosperity, please? Can we stop buying into every snake oil salesman in a suit who tells us God actually wants to reward our greed and covetousness? Will we ever grow up enough to realize that it may just be God’s will that we suffer and go without for once?

Will we ever grow up enough to realize that it may just be God’s will that we suffer and go without for once?

Too many of our prayers have been for our own comfort, ease, and entertainment. We beg for God’s blessing, but we’re begging Him to ensconce us in a standard of living He never promised. And by selling out to money and materialism, we destroy our testimony to the non-believers around us.

Just try selling that “name it and claim it” prosperity crap to parents in third-world countries who can’t feed their kids. See how far you get with it there.

What would happen if finally we got over ourselves and actually did so incredibly much good that unbelievers couldn’t help but acknowledge it? What if we opened our lives and homes so much in helping folks that people knew something supernatural had to be giving us the strength to do it all?

What if we stopped arguing with skeptics about God and just lived such sacrificial, loving lives that unbelievers feared to even speak a word against us because it might discourage all the good we’re doing?

What if our lives really proved Jesus is alive and loves them?

So my dear Christian brothers and sisters, thanks for taking this dose of spiritual medicine today. I hope the taste hasn’t been too bitter, but good medicine often leaves a bad taste in the mouth for a while. I love you, I really do, and I see what the glorious Bride the Church of Jesus Christ can be again…

…but first, we have to stop being the bride of Frankenstein.

So with all the love in my heart and in the spirit of Christian brotherhood, I’d just like to say to you in closing…

STOP IT! STOP IT RIGHT NOW!

God bless,

Dave

Turnabout is fair play! Read my companion piece to this article, DEAR ANGRY ATHEIST

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