Time to make a confession.
I don’t have many friends. And it’s been like that my entire life. I’ve only had very few to no friends and that has been my biggest vulnerability growing up and still is now.
When I was young, I thought it was because I wasn’t pretty.
And then I grew up, and I figured it had to do with my personality.
Now, I’m one year away from 18, and I realised it was neither of those things.
I feel like I was born in the wrong country. I was born in Korea, but I talk, think, and dream in English. But alas I stay here, in a place where I don’t feel like I belong, writing Kafkaesque literature, pretending I’m some mad fictional artist. Music and literature gave me a sense of belonging.
I also feel like I grew up too fast. My parent’s separation forced me to become this adult figure for my little brother, and I was forced to be the voice of my family when we were in America since I was the only one that spoke English. I got us through immigration customs when I was 12. Police are scary when you’re 12.
All of this made it very difficult to be a “normal” seventeen year old in Korea. I always fake-laugh along and try to sound excited as people talk about celebrities, school gossip, and et cetera.
But I don’t wish to envy them, I want to keep being myself. It can be very difficult sometimes.