Is Violence Okay?

Questioning a life-long love of violence.

Is violence okay? That’s the question I have been struggling with. The simple answer is “no, violence is not okay” but it would be hard to imagine life without violence. No war. No hitting children or spouses. No violence in our neighborhoods. Those would be welcome outcomes to a violence-free society. But, no sports, no action movies, no video games, no comic books, no rage rock, and no play fighting? That sounds like a hippie commune to most of us. I like sitting around a campfire singing, “Kumbaya” as much as the next person, but I also like sports, games, and movies. So the question becomes, “when is violence okay?” And we struggle to answer that. I struggle to answer that.

We should actually start with this question, “when is violence not okay?” because it’s easier to answer. (1) Violence against children. I cannot believe we are disputing whether or not you should hit your children, or spank, paddle, belt, switch, put them on the rack or whatever sick things people do. Violence against children is not okay. Children are smaller and weaker than adults and depend on adults for protection. Violence against them is unmerited and proven ineffective as a tool for parenting. (2) Violence against our spouse. Hitting your spouse, male or female, is not okay. Violence against your spouse is not okay. This is the person you claim to love and have devoted your entire self to. Violence does not show that love nor does it make you or your spouse a better person. (3) Violence in our neighborhood. I actually think everyone will agree that violence in our communities and neighborhoods is not okay. The issue of course is when the violence is perpetrated by authority figures. Sadly we do have some over aggressive people in authority and that power can be abused. But I do not think anyone desires it or claims that it is good. We want our communities to be safe, and our neighborhoods to be places where we do not feel afraid. (4) Violence targeting specific groups. Violence against individuals or groups because of who they are, where they are from, how they live, or what they believe is not okay. Sadly racism, sexism, classism, ageism, homophobia, and other hatred still exists. And where there is fear, confusion, anger and hatred, there is often violence. I like to think the majority of the world doesn’t want this. That we find it unacceptable. (5) Violence as a means of social change. Perhaps this relates to the previous category. There have been times when violence has been used to bring out political and social change. But it comes at a great and terrible cost. I believe the peacemakers have made a greater impact than violent revolutionists. I hope that the general consensus would be that violence is not justified or permitted in these situations. Each of those points can and is contested; but I personally feel confident that violence is never okay in those situations.

That brings us back to our original question, “when is violence okay?” or when do we justify violence? (1) Self-Defense. If someone punches me, I have a right to defend myself. If someone invades my home I have the right to use lethal force. If someone kidnaps or enslaves me, I have the right to fight back. (2) Against Evil. Perhaps that is an overstatement. But if someone is in danger, the hero has the right to use violence to protect them. For example, America has the right to use violence against enemies who threaten us, our freedom, our way of live and who threaten their own people or other peoples. You can call this Just War Theory but it is how we justify the use of lethal force or violence by many people and groups, real and fictional. (3) Sports. Sports are violent. Either human on human violence or simulated violence, by definition, of force on force. A bowling ball is a violent force against the pins, as a bat is a violence force against a baseball. Of course football, hockey, boxing, wrestling, and martial arts are the most violent sports and we cheer on physical damage being shared between teams or opponents. Other sports have moments of violence built in or possible throughout the course of a game. (4) Games. From Super Mario to Call of Duty, video games are violent. In recent years sandbox games have allowed for violence in all sorts of creative ways, while war simulations have made the experience of violence real in our homes. It isn’t just video games. Board games, Role-Playing Games, and Collectible Card Games can all give the experience of being a heroic knight battling the forces of darkness, or school kids fighting on the playground. (5) Film. It’s hard not to find violence on television or at the movies. Even Disney movies, aimed at children, are loaded with violence. Cartoons like “Looney Tunes” and “Tom and Jerry” set the stage for the ultraviolent cartoons that I grew up with; “G.I. JOE”, “Transformers”, “He-Man”, “Thundercats”, etc. For the most part our society accepts these forms of violence and often embraces them.
Is that okay? I guess that is the question I am left with. Is it okay to have good violence and bad violence? If it is okay, why is it okay? I imagine a world without war, without conflict, where love abounds and rules as the guiding force. If that is the world I imagine, why do I indulge in violence which seems to contradict that vision? I would love a world where I would never have to use violence to protect myself or others. A world without war abroad or in our communities. But a world without football? A world without D&D? A world without Star Wars? Let’s think about that for a minute.

Sports are violent. Don’t try to argue, they are. A tackle, a check, a punch in the face are the very definition of violence. Asserting physical force to cause injury, pain, or discomfort is what violence is. Do we like violent sports for other reasons? For the skill perhaps, or the athleticism? A great pass completion is exciting. Watching someone run the length of the field, all the time avoiding the other team is amazing. But it’s the hard hit that gets people off their feet, screaming and ravenous. We even like violence in non-violent sports like NASCAR. Trust me, you don’t sit through hours of watching cars going around and around without hoping a little that someone crashes or something explodes. The experience of violence in sport creates in us feelings of excitement. In other words, we like to watch other people get hurt.

Games are violent. Millions of people will play the new “Call of Duty” game and play for hours a day. The COD franchise and war simulators have become some of the most profitable games out there, along with sports games. There are no puzzles in COD. There is not a deep story. You shoot people and learn to do it better and better until you shoot the most people. COD is the extreme but violence is present in most games. I love role-playing and I love making a character who can dish out some violence. We have even brought violence to our phones by lobbing birds at pigs and fanatically massacring fruit. Kids don’t play “Pokemon” to discover their inherit beauty, they want their pocket monster to beat up the other kid’s pocket monster. We even have fighting games. “Mortal Kombat” has made it its mission to be as graphically violent as possible, breaking bones and disassembling your opponent piece by piece. Violence in games creates feelings of empowerment. In other words, we like to simulate hurting other people.

Movies and Television are violent. If you want to avoid violence on television you pretty much have to watch PBS Kids and the Food Network (and only because I am not talking about violence against animals). Movies without violence are even more limited. After 2000 viewings I realized that “Frozen” is actually PG, not G like many previous films from Walt Disney Animation Studio, mainly for violence. Even comedies are laden with slapstick violence to get cheap laughs. “America’s Funniest Home Videos” or “AFV” made a living on exploiting our reaction to people getting hit in the groin with things. And actions movies make their millions on violence. The lightsaber duels in “Star Wars.” The martial arts in “The Matrix.” The amazing battles in “The Lord of the Rings.” There is something awe inspiring watching Liam Neason dispatch everyone and anyone in his way. We have fun watching the old guys in “The Expendables” blow stuff up. Violence on film creates feelings of entertainment. In other words, we enjoy violence.

I’m not really comfortable with that anymore. The idea that (a) we like to watch people get hurt, (b) we like to pretend to hurt people, and (c) we just plain enjoy violence. I want to be able to say to my children, “violence is not okay, period.” No ifs, ands, or buts. That comes with a cost. Giving up a lifelong love of violence to teach another generation violence is not okay; while the rest of the world still embraces it. I don’t know what that would look like, how it would feel, or if it is even possible. What I do know is violence is a problem and we are not talking about; not honestly, not in an all-encompassing way. At the very least that is what I want to do. I want to challenge my own love of violence. I want to talk about the violence we think is bad and the violence we think is okay. Most of all, I want my family and friends, my children and loved ones to never be the victims of violence again.