The Burn-Out Feeling.
I always felt juggling things made me more productive. Every day, I code, research, and write, take online courses, and attend programs I signed up for. At first, it was an interesting feat to have my days occupied from start to finish doing something productive.
But soon, I was having a dysfunctional life without even knowing it. I was skipping meals, didn’t even know what it felt like to see a movie, and my fun time comprised of either watching youtube videos on a particular course or researching a script, it also became extremely hard to keep up conversations with people, but it was okay as long as I was doing the things l loved to do. I always kept telling myself “when I reach that point I was aiming for, I’d normalize everything”. But who was I kidding??
The joyous feeling I felt when it was time to code soon started dying, I would sit in front of my system watching a tutorial, and before you know it I’m rewinding to know what was said because my mind took a trip on its own to God knows where. Things I loved to do started feeling like chores. At first, I thought I was slowly losing the drive to be what I always wanted to be. But no! I was overworking myself, and my body’s way of retaliating was making me lose interest in things I loved dearly. Sleeping wasn’t even an option, I felt guilty sleeping knowing I still had 70 more days of courses to cover in my 100 days of code.
In my country of residence, constant electricity was not a thing, so whenever there was light and I was coding, my prayer was for the light to go off, and every time it did, I ran straight to my bed to nap; and on days it didn’t, I waited till my eyes were closing before slowing dragging myself to bed.
You are probably waiting for a paragraph on how I dealt with it, trust me that’s gonna be a long wait.
I’m still here sitting in front of my computer staring at the code that won’t write itself, silently praying for either the light to go off or inner strength to pop out and have me coding in minutes.