BOB’S BAR-BQ

Rey Alicea
Aug 24, 2017 · 2 min read

Looking southeast from Junction Road 26, in Morrow County, Ohio. This is where to find Bob and his wife Paige on the porch of their farmhouse overlooking a cornfield. And perhaps, you too may be invited to a delicious country barbecue.

“Crops doing well,” Paige said.

“A–yep.” Bob shifts a straw between his lips, from the left side of his mouth to the right.

Center field a murder of frightened crow fly out in all directions.

“What be that coming out of the cornfield?” Paige said.

“Don’t reckon I know, could be one of them nuke-lee-are miss-iles.”

The missile launches knocking Bob’s hat off his head and leaving them both looking skyward.

“Reckon you’re right,” Paige said.

“Call your sister and get out the beers, while I fire up the grill,” Bob said.

Like a groundhog, the tip of another missile pokes its head out of the silo.

***

A cacophony of voices and the roar of missiles launching. And the smell of meat over Kingsford charcoal burning on a Weber grill permeates the air.

While turning over a burger, Bob said, “So I’m at this BQ, and my bud Billy comes up to me. Billy is the 20-year live in boyfriend of Beth. She was friends with my younger sister Betsy. And Betsy was friends with Billy’s sister Paige, my wife. So Billy, the town pyromaniac, puts his hand in his pocket and pulls out what looks like a silver M-80. Billy said, ‘Do you know what this is?’ I said, an M-80, and he said, ‘Nope I made it, it’s better than an M-80.’ So I said, what can it do? Billy said, ‘It goes bang real loud, let’s set one off.’ I said I don’t think that’s a good idea. On account that all those attending might get scared or angry or both. Walking away Billy said, ‘I’m going to light it anyway.’”

“Anyone kept count…”

“11 by my last count…”

“Nah, it’s 13, I got here sooner…”

“Yep, I counted 13…”

“Anyone knows what kind of miss-isles…”

“Could be one of them ICBeMs or LGeMs or MIRVs…

Cracking open an ice-cold Pabst Blue Ribbon and taking a swig, Bob said, “Minutes later we all hear a loud bang. That’s when Billy shows up covered in feathers and his eyebrows are missing. And he said, ‘Bob, sorry about the chickens.’”

“Hey Bob, guys, why’s that one coming back?”

)
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