A Love/Hate Relationship with Free Will

Which way should you go?

You highly prize your free will and you would never give it up….right? Well, maybe.

Be Honest…

If you take an honest, objective look at your thinking throughout the day, you might discover that you sometimes wish you didn’t have it.

Yeah. Sure. That may be true for some people, but you’re in charge of your decisions and you wouldn’t have it any other way! This gut reaction resonates with your soul because we all have free will and we cannot give it away. We are here to learn. Impossible to do when another power is making your decisions for you. Through our free will, we make decisions with consequences, and through these experiences we grow on a soul level.

So here’s where it gets tricky for me (and most everyone else). I want to know what I should be doing. I want to know if I’m on the right path. I’m extremely goal-oriented and at times it’s difficult for me to go through an experience just for the sake of it. I want to know the end result was worth it. I have goals! I want to know that my efforts are moving me forward toward them!

If I only I could get that information from someone…somehow…then everything would fall into place. What should I do?

A Personal Example of Why This is the Last Thing You Want to Know

I’m a writer. It just took all of my willpower to not write aspiring writer. I have written a screenplay and a novel, but haven’t been able to get representation for them. The last rejection I got from an agent stated that my novel was lovely and quiet and she wouldn’t change a thing. (Scroll down for disappointment) But she didn’t feel she could represent it given she wouldn’t know how to market it. (Stab of familiar pain) If you’re a writer who has lived through the process of submitting your manuscript to agents, you know that’s a really beautiful rejection…but it’s still a rejection.

What Should I Do?

This is when I want to chuck my free will out of the window and shout out, “If I’m not supposed to be writing then what am I supposed to do? Should I stop submitting? Should I focus more on other projects? What should I do?”

After my tantrum has played out, I take some time for introspection (which I do through writing, so why am I even questioning why I write?). I realize how much I have grown by the process. I’ve learned that I actually have the discipline needed to write a novel, that I can take criticism without getting emotional, I can take rejection without it feeling personal, I can stick with something over many, many months (years) and not give up on it. I have staying power. I have confidence.

I know I’m not the only one struggling. I’ve had clients ask me, “Should I take this job even though I will be taking a pay cut?” “What if I buy this house and I get transferred to a new city?” “Should I date this guy even though he plays Dungeons and Dragons?”

The Good News

My answer is frustrating…and comforting. I can’t ask what you should do, I won’t even bother to ask such a question. The options are literally unlimited for you in your path to fulfill your life’s purpose. You could choose path A, B, or C and because you made a life plan before you incarnated, the right experiences and people will still cross your path. You can accept that this is true, and feel more at ease in making decisions, making them with confidence OR you could spend your time hand-wringing and worrying that your decisions are “wrong”. Either way you go, with excitement or in fear, you will still fulfill your life’s purpose. Might as well enjoy the ride.

Love Your Free Will and Leave the “Should I” Behind

I realize most of us aren’t making decisions in a vacuum. Your decisions affect your family, friends, co-workers, clients, community, etc. I get it. But you can start to leave the stomach churning behind with a few simple changes.

  • Make small decisions often. Get used to making a decision and sticking with it. Start with what you’ll wear in the morning. Let go of the idea that what you wear will have dire consequences for your life. Be logical and quick. Work in an office? Here’s a clean shirt and pants and they match and they fit — done. Move on to your next easy decision — breakfast. Most of us expend too much energy on these decisions. Save your energy for bigger things!
  • Listen to your intuition (see my blog post on intuition). We all have that inner voice vying for attention over tv, the kids, traffic, etc. Quiet your mind and see how you “feel”. You have a knowing inside of you that is there for the tapping. Get used to listening to that inner voice and stop worrying that it could steer you in the “wrong” direction. If path A, B, or C will all take you to the same place, take the path that feels right.
  • Replace “Should I?” with “Is this in my highest good?”. It’s a simple replacement, but a completely different question to the universe. “Should I date this woman? She’s pretty attached to her twelve cats and with my allergies…” Sure you could date her, and after a couple of years of arguments and an antihistamine addiction, you will still end up where you belong. However, replaced with, “Is it in my highest good to date this woman who would never give up her cats…” gives you the focus you are actually looking for.

Rachael Falis is an intuitive and writer who lives in upstate New York