Who am I?
Growing up is hard. It’s even harder when you don’t know who you are or who you want to be. It’s taken Gio Battaglia years to find his authentic self.
The 20-year-old Battaglia’s adolecence was filled with an abundance of questions about who he was. Questions that had the ability to change the entire course of his life.
“In eighth grade I started to really question who I was, and it was about the time when Caitlyn Jenner came out as transgender. I was always watching Gigi Gorgeous [a YouTuber] and I knew she was transgender, but it never seemed to translate into something that I would want to identify as,” said Battaglia.
2014 was the year that stuck out like a sore thumb for him. Makeup is one thing that helped him express himself in a way he never had before.
“I started to have this craving to start wearing makeup. It was just kind of like a light that switched in my head and I was like, ‘I’m gonna wear makeup, I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks. I’m just gonna do it and be me,’” said Battaglia. “But at this time, no one knew I was gay, I wasn’t out yet.”
Trying to convince his peers and himself that he wasn’t gay and had no questions, he would answer questions sent to him by peers on Ask.fm in a way that would keep his secret to himself. It seems that liking a certain something at the time would come with connotations about your sexuality.
“I’d say things like, ‘Oh yeah, I just like Lady Gaga cause she’s hot,’” said Battaglia.
Wearing makeup lead to his parents also wondering who he was and what he was doing. All they wanted to do was make sure he was okay.
Trying to figure out “you” is extremely difficult. It is the hardest thing we will ever do in our lives. Sometimes it’s easier to figure out what we’re not.
“I had this preconceived notion in my head that if I was wearing makeup then I had to be wanting to be a female, so I communicated with my parents that I was feeling these things,” Battaglia said. “They asked if I wanted to go to a doctor and I was like ‘Yeah,’ and they [the doctor] had me fill out this gingerbread person asking if I felt ‘this was or this way’ with the masculine or feminine. I do remember that after I filled it out they were like ‘alright we’re going to get you started on this pill and this pill, and I was like ‘whoa, whoa, whoa, absolutely not, get me out of here.”
After you start these pills there is no turning back. That is something Battaglia had in his mind when the doctors wanted to start him on hormone therapy. And as weird as it sounds, after he left the doctor’s office, he never thought about it again.
He continued to live his life the way he wanted to, and his core group of friends helped him with that. He did what he wanted and had no apologies for it.
His support from friends is like no other.
“I go through spurts where I have one thing that I’m really involved in but then I kind of back off of it for a while,” said Battaglia.
Something that never changed for him, music.
Music has gotten him through the toughest times in his life and is continuing to do so as the years go by.
“Everyone always asks me why I have dedicated my life to Lady Gaga, and it goes beyond a simple answer of just liking her music. She was promoting individuality and self-love with “Born This Way” at a time when I was the most insecure I’ve ever been and didn’t have someone who could fully aid discovering myself, so I turned to her music and interviews. She saved my life,” said Battaglia. “Music in general has also transported me to a universal place where it doesn’t matter what the person who is performing looks like, but about the message of what they are singing. When I sing, I am taken to that place, and it is truly liberating. I will keep performing in my life in any sense I can.”
Music is something so much more than just listening to when you’re bored or walking through campus for Battaglia. It has helped him through everything.
He not only listens to it, he plays the piano and sings his favorite songs any chance he can get.
“I only really know chords,” said Battaglia.
When listening to him, it sounds like he’s been playing forever. He holds a confidence at the piano and in front of the microphone that is rare. He unknowingly forces you to listen with every performance.
Battaglia has so much life to live— and many more questions to answer. But at least he knows one thing about himself. He is happy and has countless friends who support and love him for who he is. He’s walking into the daylight with everything he knows, embracing whatever the future has to hold.
Finding your authentic self is a life long journey for many people. Gio Battaglia, who began his journey earlier than most- is already more than halfway there.
