Alchemizing Pain into Love
Trauma talk is everywhere these days and for good reason. Destigmatizing emotional pain and understanding the immense benefits of healing trauma is truly a boon for society. Acknowledging the pervasive and persistent trauma among us is a collective step toward empathy.
It’s important to understand that the type of event doesn’t determine if a person becomes traumatized. It’s the body’s physiological reaction that creates trauma within. Our body and mind have a built-in program that activates upon demand to protect us from unbearable and unthinkable experiences. Because we don’t automatically bounce back from this flight, fight, or freeze response, we end up with a continuously heightened, on-alert nervous system long after the traumatic experience is over. This comes fraught with many out-of-sync and often risky behaviors and emotions that are counterproductive to a happy, healthy self.
Emotional pain, undealt with, often manifests in dysregulation and anger. It ain’t easy to face ourselves. But the alternative is to continue to stoke division and hatred. And I mean within ourselves as well as with other humans.
One must be brave to begin the journey of recognizing the pain and rage and fear within. Then we can begin to heal.
Many of us have multiple traumas running our programming. Unraveling the trauma often requires assistance from a therapist. The very good news is that this area of psychology has made great strides in efficacy recently. EMDR and Tapping have proven to be extremely successful and in a relatively short time frame. Freeing the body from this automatic defensive posture restores balance and gives access to more of your complete self bringing relief and at times joyous reconnection within.
I know no higher calling than making emotional growth a priority. This involves self-awareness and a willingness to be vulnerable. Here’s a key question I often ask myself: What is motivating my words and actions? Are my thoughts being fueled by my pain or my clarity? Pausing to find out, changes the trajectory of most of my encounters and outcome for the better.
As I continue on my own healing journey, I recognize the unhealed pain in my students, colleagues, neighbors, family, and friends. I now assume many people have unprocessed emotions that erupt when triggered rather than assuming the harm or misbehaviors are intentional. Boundaries are needed either way! It’s not ok to be mean or abusive. It is ok to recognize what’s driving the behavior and let your heart, as well as your head, lead your responses to the unacceptable actions or words or others.
Even if therapy isn’t on the horizon yet for you, generously kind, thoughtful words, given or received, can ease the way. This is true of how we talk to others, and most crucially, the way we talk to ourselves by way of inner dialogue. Listen to your thoughts. Start filtering out the mean ones. Rethink and reframe the negative messages you tell yourself. You have the power to alchemize pain into love one kind thought at a time.
