Liking Someone vs The Idea of Being With Someone

You don’t always have to split the two against each other. Learn truth from both.

Ruban F. Ribeiro
Sep 26, 2018 · 3 min read
“grayscale photo of woman leaning on man's shoulder” by Abdi Lopez on Unsplash

“I don’t think I’ve ever liked anyone before. Now one of my close friends has expressed romantic interest, and I don’t know if what I’m feeling is because I also like him or if it’s because I like the idea of being in a relationship with him.”

Well, you definitely like him. Unless, somehow involuntarily, you become close friends with someone you don’t like.

I understand we’re talking about a different kind of like now, but my words remain true. You do not get close to someone you don’t like.

There is also the chance that you become close because one or the other liked the idea of being in a relationship. Only you can know this. If we’re speaking in ‘the chicken or the egg’ terms, this could really go either way.

In simple terms, you either grow to like them, hence liking the idea of being with them as well, or you like the idea of being with them, so you grow to like them.

It’s important to know that at any point one could subside, and both sides can be affected.


These ideas correlate to happiness and togetherness in a relationship. Why split the two?

We split them when we are not at that stage of reasonably thinking about both things, or when we think too much. Liking someone is a lot less responsibility when you only like the idea of being with someone. But when you like the idea of being with someone, only liking someone is difficult.

If you don’t know if you’ve ever liked someone, but now you’re questioning what you feel — You are at least feeling something for this person. Something more than friendship, of course.

I suppose when you split liking someone and the idea of being with someone, it may help you understand where you stand with your emotions.

This need to understand where you stand stems from fear. When you’re close to someone and there are new feelings flying around, if you’re a good friend, your first instinct is to not mess up and lose the friendship. If you’re really into them, the next thing you might do is contemplate.

You need to consider what you’re willing to lose for what’s worth attempting to gain (or keep). As you ponder you may start to realize that although liking someone and liking the idea of being with someone can have its differences, it also has its similarities.


Here’s a couple of questions to ask yourself:

  • Do you feel you like him because he shared this interests in you, or do you actually like him?
  • When you think of being with him, does it make you happy?

These questions are meant to help you figure out what’s true in your mind. Rather than asking if what you’re feeling is one thing or the other, you want to know if what you’re feeling is real.

When you feel what you believe to be the real deal for someone, you always follow through. If you can, you always move forward with honesty.

Especially when this someone is your close friend. The person that already placed his cards on the table for you.

Whatever decision you make, make one you won’t regret.

Ruban F. Ribeiro

Written by

A whole lot of honesty, some good sense and sound judgment. A writer who focuses on helping you better yourself. rubanribeiro@gmail.com