I don’t like to think that people are “bad” at things. It sounds too permanent. If you think you’re bad at something, you often believe you can never be good at it. You’ve probably heard people say “I’m bad at math”, “I suck at drawing”, or “I can’t play jai alai”. All those phrasings are defeating. Instead I like to think that it’s not the person, it’s the results that are bad.
So for this week’s mission, remember, it’s the results that are bad.
Trick or Treat Yourself
My goal for “The Debriefing” has been to write-up a completed mission each week. I may start or complete them earlier than that, but by the end of the year my plan is to have 52 completed missions. This time around I decided I’d finish the “Make these treats” mission I’d already started. It was created by my friend and mission-creating-superstar, Alison (alison5800 on Checkverse).
The mission looks straightforward and delightful, it’s a bunch of fun treats to make. There are 8 treats to be exact. Here’s what my results look like:
The Debriefing
On the hit TV show “Breaking Bad”, chemistry teacher Walter White runs into his old student and idiot delinquent Jesse Pinkman, a meth maker and dealer. When White meets Pinkman so he can get into meth-making himself, he discovers that Pinkman makes his own brand with an inspiring dash of Chili Powder. White, a serious chemist, calls this concoction “shit”.
It’s taken me awhile to realize this, but in the baking world, I’m Jesse Pinkman. Baking has a lot of analogs to chemistry. You shouldn’t just eyeball things or introduce ingredients at a whim without having some general idea of what you’re doing. “That’s not me”, I think, “I’m special, I can improvise and introduce new ideas to the world!”
That line of thinking led to my invention of fish lasagna*.
As you can imagine, fish lasagna is not good. I admit that now and I admitted that 5 years ago when I first tried it. However, I assumed this was a fluke and that I was actually pretty good in the kitchen. Well it turns out that I’m not. At least not when this mission started.
Why not?
Let’s do a quick recap of my kitchen casualties (in order)…
Muffins — They seem easy enough. Well, they probably would be, but if you’re going to make muffins you either need a muffin pan or muffin cups that can stand on their own. Also, make sure you cook them all the way and pre-heat the oven like the box says. Why should you do that? Well, let’s take a closer look at my muffins:
Brownies & Cookies — There was a period in the middle of this mission after the first failure where things started to look up. Box brownies and cookies are hard to screw up and I think these turned out alright. Nothing to see here.
Ice Cream Sundae — This is one of the grossest looking things I’ve ever made. It tasted alright, but if someone handed it to you, you’d pass it down. Take a second look and you’ll see:
Pie — This is the first treat I made after I realized I had 4 treats left to make and 4 days left to make them in order to finish this mission on time. This is also what I would call my “Looks can be deceiving” period. I decided to make pecan pie using the same recipe Alyssa used for her fantastic Thanksgiving offering. I baked the pie for around an hour, cooled it for an hour, then cut into pure liquid. Another case of poor pre-heating I think. So, I put it back in the oven. When I took it out again and made a cut, it seemed alright. It wasn’t till the next day that I discovered I invented a new kind of glue.
Cupcakes — I figured I’d warm up to a full cake by making a bunch of little ones. Learning from my muffin tragedy, I bought both a muffin pan AND muffin cups that stand on their own. Can’t fool me twice! However, I only had one muffin pan, so I had to make 4 batches. Each batch the timer would go off and I’d make a gut call if the batch was ready or not. The outcome? 1 burnt batch, 2 underdone batches and 1 batch that was perfect. Unfortunately I only had enough batter in that last batch to make 2 cupcakes. Also, it turns out I’m a butcher with frosting. Not a good butcher, mind you. More like a drunk butcher who just got a hand transplant.
Cake — The epic, penultimate treat. I decided to go with carrot cake to use the frosting I had left over from the cupcakes. I got a box of mix. I set some things out early and read the directions, but guess what? I still screwed up. I missed the pouch of raisins in the bottom of the box I was supposed add to the hot water from step 1. I mixed them in later, but they were supposed to soak in the hot water which was now pretty cold. Then I realized I didn’t really have any pans to bake the cake in. I ended up going with two shallow glass dishes to make some kind of stacked cake. That decision turned out ok. I finally baked something the right amount only to discover that I didn’t have enough frosting :(
Banana Bread — I made this treat this morning. I bought bananas last night to make it. Alyssa asked if she could have one. Turns out I needed all the bananas. What I ended up making was more bread than banana.
What did I learn from all this? Mostly, that baking is something that pits me head-on against my worst traits. Here’s the highlights from my kitchen education:
- You need to prepare ahead of time (or own a lot of equipment).
- Use measuring cups and don’t improvise (unless you know what you’re doing).
- Substituting ingredients just cause they look similar is not a good idea (e.g. as it turns out, baking soda is not the same as baking powder).
- It’s a good idea to read through the directions once before trying to do a live read when hot stuff is involved.
- Get to know your oven. All ovens are unique flowers that have their own quirks and heating times.
- Alyssa also agrees that the results were bad.
So this has been my most trying mission yet, but then again, it is the first mission where I actually had to do something. In the other ones I just had to eat and drink stuff. I got more out of this mission that I thought I would: 1) I learned a ton and 2) I have weeks worth of treats in my fridge, some more edible than others. Overall, not bad ;)
Till next time!
Anton
Want to try and “Make these treats” yourself? If so, sign-up to get an invite to Checkverse.
*WARNING: Do not attempt to make this dish.
