An exercise in self reflection

I recently shifted my research focus to MBA colleges and applications. They literally sell their degree programmes online. You get statistics for placements, industries, location, diversity and much more. Which is fair enough since an MBA is probably the biggest investment you make on yourself and you are entitled to know what the returns would be like.

All the colleges say you have an impressive profile and strong potential to succeed in their MBA programme if you happen to mail them your CV for a preliminary evaluation. I strongly believe that atleast some of them are lying, if not all. Anyways, I have made a list of 10 schools where I would apply. I started going through the essay questions the applicant has to answer during the application process. Most of them beat around the bush to ask the same questions, some are direct. The motive of these essay questions, as they say in videos on their website, is to allow the applicant to self relfect and truly find out who they are and put it in 500 words. This part probably is the most absurd. I am 25 years old and have spent a lot of time to self reflect and I've never come to any decent conclusion. The indecent ones won't get me an admission to tier-1 business schools. I tried to self reflect yesterday while eating an apple. I realised that I don't enjoy eating an apple anymore like I did when I was ten years younger. The only reason I eat fruit anymore is to stay healthy, I guess I can't write that on my application either because I am not really sure how I turned into someone who doesn't like fruits anymore. I tried self reflecting in office, trying to understand why my brain feels that it wants to leave this place, it is so comfortable here. Isn't that what we really want, to stay comfortable and happy if possible?

The only reason I am applying for an MBA is because I am tired of staying in my comfort zone. I don't know if it is coming from the outside world or from the depths of my chemically unstable subconscious. I am a socially awkward person, a fact that I accepted when I ended my teenage years. I feel comfortable if I don't have to make small talk with people I run into occasionally and really bear no significance on my life. But since my brain was bothering me to change, I decided to go against my instincts when I went for my first french class. But the thought of going to a new place and talking to strangers was so overwhelming that I decided against it while riding towards the class. So I went there, sat in the corner seat, spoke only when I was asked a question or had an academically related doubt.

And the worst part is, not thinking about how to talk to someone new and being socially awkward enables me to stay happy.

Only God or PM Modi can help me in filling those applications succesfully.