How I Learned to Love My Natural Hair

And how you can too.

Growing up mixed race in a predominantly white area, with white parents while trying to navigate your African heritage is… hard to say the least. I know, because it was/is, my reality.

My (biological) Dad was, and still is, a shocking ‘father’. This resulted in him not playing much of a part in my life, so I didn’t really learn about my African heritage.

So I was raised by my Caucasian mum and Caucasian (step) dad. My mum did a brilliant job with my hair, but this was pre-widespread YouTube time. She would tie it up in cute little plaits and pigtails and let my natural curls roam free.

Baby me, circa 2002

But then I got older.

And like all teenagers, I wanted to fit in with the people around me. So when I was about eleven, I started keeping my hair straight. I chopped it off into a short bob and said goodbye to my curls. There weren’t any hair salons near my town that could deal with Afro hair either. I used to straighten it so that the hairdresser could give it a trim as they didn’t know what to do with it otherwise. I was one of the only people of colour at both my secondary and primary school too, and there was hardly any representation of natural hair in the media.

So naturally, I wanted straight hair. Straight hair was better was the message I was receiving. And naturally, my curly hair did not enjoy being straight.

As hard as I tried, a strong willpower doesn’t make things just happen.

For years I would get it permanently straightened and then go over it with hair straighteners. Then came my emo phase (parts of it were definitely not a phase and I will be getting tickets to see Bring Me The Horizon next year).

*Sweeps hair out of eyes*

But an emo phase calls for emo hair, so I threw black hair dye into the mix, along with a sweeping fringe. I cringe to think about it.

For those of you that don’t know, Afro hair is a lot more fragile than Caucasian hair. I’m not sure about the exact science, but it has a mind of its own. This is only exacerbated by a lot of the hair treatments used by people with Afro hair- perms, chemicals, dyes etc.

Hair dye + perming chemicals + hair straighteners= my hair snapping.

So how did I learn to love my curls? And how can you do it too?

It all started when I left school and dyed my hair pink with the hopes of having a candyfloss pink afro. Then when that failed, I decided blue was just as good.

And then I got bored of the blue.

I’d started going to a hairdresser in London and the ladies there had Afro hair. However, just because they had the same hair type as me, does not mean they were good hairdressers. To get rid of my blue hair they just…dyed it black.

Hello darkness my old friend.

I’d stopped straightening my hair, and after the hairdressers dyed it black, I switched to just dyeing the ends a bright colour.

My hair was finally being (almost) left alone for the first time in years, but I couldn’t embrace it yet. I used to keep it in plaits or in a ponytail which was probably quite restorative for it!

And then I met Spooky in 2018.

When I first had my hair done by Spooky, she was working in a really popular salon known for its colourists. The salon was chaotic, but by the end of the appointment, I came out with my hair trimmed and neatly curled around my head, styled as closely to an Afro as it had ever been. Spooky took the time to get to know me and my hair and began encouraging me to wear it naturally.

I bravely wore it in its natural glory around London for the day, then felt self-conscious and tied it up again when I got home. It was the start of a long journey.

You can see my natural colour trying to poke through the black dye

After that, Spooky moved salons to somewhere quieter, and we had the opportunity to talk about my visions for my hair. I’d always dreamed of having really long, flowing curls that were easy to manage, but I didn’t understand why my hair wasn’t looking or acting like the ‘natural’ hair I was seeing on TV.

Part of that was because the people on TV were wearing wigs, but also because of the different curl patterns I had. The longer Afro hair gets, the more the curls drop from the weight. So I just had to be patient. Spooky took the time to show me how to coil it just right, and recommended products and diffusing methods.

Before she moved to her own private salon, Spooky gave my hair its first-ever blonde balayage. It is worth saying that if Spooky moved her salon to Australia, I would follow her there.

I left the salon feeling like a beautiful, golden lion. I was blown away by the fact that we’d got my hair into such a good condition, I could be blonde and my hair still felt extremely soft.

In October last year, I went and saw Spooky in her new salon, and decided to go ginger for Autumn. Again, no damage, just gorgeous auburn curls. And now I’m back blonde again.

What sent me on this trip down Hair Memory Lane was the fact that I recently straightened my hair for the first time in about eight years.

I’d been watching The Witcher and was longing for that beautiful, flowing, fantasy hair. Like Orlando Bloom in The Lord of the Rings.

Luckily, thanks to all of Spooky’s hard work and my patience, my hair didn’t mind being straight for a week.

Trying to channel my inner elf

What I realised though, was that having straight hair isn’t me anymore. Yeah, it was fun to play with, but I didn’t feel like myself. I felt the same level of self-consciousness that I did the first time Spooky encouraged me to wear my curls down.

And unlike with the curls, the insecure feeling didn’t go away.

Fortunately, Afro hair products are becoming more accessible. It’s sad that it’s taken so many years for this to happen, and it is still a shame that they’re a lot more expensive than the hair products for Caucasian hair. There are cheaper options like Cantu, ORS, and KeraCare.

However, for the most part, they’re still quite pricey.

But progress is progress.

*I’m not sponsored by any of these brands, but I’ve found that I like them, and more importantly, my hair likes them!*

A typical wash day for me looks like:

1. Shampoo and Conditioner

I shampoo twice, then brush through the conditioner and leave it to soak in for a few minutes.

I use the Flora & Curl Rose Water & Honey line for both products. If it’s a change in season and my hair is a bit dandruffy, I use the Coconut Milk Scalp Refresh Shampoo.

2. Deep Condition

I remove any excess water and then brush through a good amount of deep conditioner. I tie my hair up and leave that in for around twenty minutes. I use the Mielle Organics Rosemary Mint Strengthening Hair Mask. It smells SO GOOD. I sometimes use the Camille Rose Algae Renew Deep Conditioning Mask, but it doesn’t feel as thick as the Mielle one.

3. Style!

Sometimes I use a Cantu leave-in conditioner, sometimes I don’t. I brush through Mielle Organics Pomegranate and Honey Twisting Souffle, finger coiling frizzier bits of hair. Then I smooth my hair with Camille Rose Curl Maker. If I fancy extra volume, I use Cantu Wave Whip Curling Mousse.

4. Dry time

I wrap my hair up in an old cotton t-shirt on top of my head. Most of the time I let it air dry for a couple of hours before diffusing. One of the most important things I’ve learned is to use a diffuser! If you just blow dry your hair normally, it makes it frizzy.

Wash day on a campsite

And that’s it!

If there is one key takeaway for you from this blog post, it’s this: Be patient!

You can’t undo years of damage or insecurity overnight. I’m so grateful I met Spooky when I did because, for the most part, I love my hair now. I accept it for what it is. I’m never going to jump out of the ocean with perfect beach waves, but that’s okay.

Because my hair is beautiful and voluminous and generally, pretty cool. And so is yours.