When you need to file a protective order against your mother
I did not want to do this.
But we’re talking about a mother, just days removed from me filing for a protective order against her, and despite calling me the best father she has ever seen, trying to keep me from seeing my own toddlers.
In fact, I so much do not want to that I have waited for nearly three years.
But Janie Wilkinson has had numerous chances — and three years and two months — to not harass me or abuse me emotionally, psychologically and verbally.
I realize that the sadness I have experienced has been rooted in their treatment of me, and it must stop.
So I filed for protective orders against them.
When teenage boys of course without life experience, maturity or professional training of any kind, let alone in mental health, assess someone as a “fireball,” abuse will certainly follow. (This is what friends of mine at that age called her.) Especially when she at least perceives someone as a threat.
For Janie, it goes beyond not listening to what you said just 30 seconds or the text prior.
Janie has harassed me and been emotionally and psychologically abusive to me recently, even until my filing for a protective order against her.
Also, Janie has harassed me over several periods these past three years with incessant texting, often yelling at me, generally being demeaning and cutting and rejecting me on multiple occasions.
I will just be about my day, in the store, and Janie will send me a message that so sharply cut to my heart, it is clear that she not only holds contempt towards her own flesh and blood, but actually strategizes and optimizes her harm. It suggests a hate towards her own child.
Janie has also generally yelled and been demeaning and cutting especially towards at least one of her other children throughout their growing up years.
Twice now, I have needed to go to a domestic abuse shelter, with clinicians identifying the abuse.
Janie has also proven to say whatever she wants to say also in order to get her point across, rather than citing reasons and evidence. She will tell you something with tears in her eyes — even important things like that she and her husband did their best to raise you.
Then, you’ll find out she lied to you.
Many times, I have asked her to merely be evaluated. She has scoffed at it and her husband Clark Wilkinson has told me to knock it off.
The past three years, she will text me even most of a week, rattling off even 14 texts in a row, yelling in text form with all-caps font. And she has yelled in-person as well, in a continuation of her approach mostly with me and my sister.
Besides the demeaning and cutting statements, she has actually shunned me twice.
The first was just last year, and the second was just a few months ago, where she told me to get out of the house even though she knew that I was not given the key back to my apartment — even though I had paid the rent.
This means she left me homeless. Further, she had already taken my phone, so by all signs, she was actually going to both leave me homeless and without the common method of communication. And have committed theft — I did call the police.
Then, just a few months ago, it is clear that she tried to get me to not have custody of my own toddlers, in the custody hearing. It seemed that she was having a reaction comprised purely of anger since I had turned in a request for a protective order against her and her husband just a handful of days prior.
What has especially hurt is when she has said things like “get out of the gutter” and among the very final texts she could send to me: “You are reprehensible” and “So, are you saying you want our love?”, a clear acknowledgment that she has held it back, more textbook emotional and psychological abuse.
What’s also amazing: just recently, she has told me that it was my fault for being homeless even though she did it, she knew that I indeed had paid my rent, but landlords Tanya Nielsen and John didn’t give me back my key. And, the employer before that, the Daily Herald, was sued for discrimination.
Janie had also promised before witnesses just two years prior that she and her husband’s home would always be open.
In college, I co-founded a magazine, helped cover the Utah Jazz, had work picked up by USA Today, ESPN and Pew. Anyone can be in desperate measures if they are damaged enough, especially by the ones who should love them most.