Originally published at rowan.small.and.mighty on June 6, 2015.

Last night I decided I needed to get some sort of present to express my appreciation to the nurses of the Duke Regional SCN. I decided to make some bath salts and some hand cream. Then I bought chocolate. Flavored drink powders. Kiss My Face lotion. And coloring books, crayons, and colored pencils for older siblings visiting. Tomorrow I’m going to go get a whole bunch of Pelican Bucks for Pelican Snoball shaved ice.

I also wrote a letter. I’m going to share it here, because it occurs to me that much of this could apply to many of you, as well.

“There was always a good chance that this pregnancy would end at 37 weeks. So it isn’t surprising that I am here at 37 weeks and 1 day, sitting in a hospital bed next to my beautiful son.

The surprising part is that he is already five weeks old.

I wish things had happened differently. I wish I had spent the first five weeks of Rowan’s life taking care of him. In spite of those wishes, I have no regrets, because I know that every single one of you showed him love. You helped us navigate these first weeks, and never let me feel like anything less than Rowan’s mother. Love multiplies, and he may be small, but he is already one very lucky boy.

When I tell the story of Rowan’s birth, you will always be star players. I cannot adequately express the level of gratitude I have for each of you.

I just wish you could come home with me to change those 3am diapers.”

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