Falling in too deep, too young

A breif love affair. At the tender age of 16 she fell for him. As if by fate they met and inevitably it would also have to end by an unfortunate matter of fate.

February, cold and clear. The general mood surrounding the north-bound train was moody. The train crawled into the station. It had reached the second last stop of the journey. Aviemore to be precise- reknowned for it’s sporting centre at Glenmore Lodge and facilities for winter sports. There he was wearing that vaguely familiar woolen hoodie. She knew him.

Both soon discovered that neiher he or she had intended on being on that train. The second leg of the journey passed in a flurry of constant chatter. So very different to eachother. She read a book on philosophy in the past few hundered years summarized into 400 excellent pages and he read a science magazine.

Of course neither of them actually managed to touch their books. Captivated by this bizarre chanced meeting. They just seemed to click. Instantly there was a connection, leaning in, hanging onto each others converation.

The next 6 months and 28 days passed in a flurry. A hazy cloud of happiness.

I loved him, I still do.

He loves me very much also. That’s why it is so hard. We are both very much alive- that isn’t the problem. He is in one part of the country and I, the other.

It was distance which made it too hard. I feel lost, struggling to distract myself for more than a few hours. I’m now frustrated. This wasn’t how it’s meant to happen. The kind of love we shared and the height of affection we felt(/ feel? )is the kind i’m afraid of never finding again. Also, it was found too young. I can see myself with him in the future.

Feelings are tricky when nobody else can possibly understand how you are feeling because as I previously mentioned:

It happened too young. I was 16 and okay, he was 18. Nonetheless,

It’s too young to feel this way I’m told. I need to experience being independent and being with other people so as i’m aware of what I really want.

Now I feel despair. My heart aching. This horrible feeling lining my bones. Like a scab i’m eager to rip it off. I can’t bear to let this wound heal. It is a wound I wish never had to be inflicted on us. The pain which has possessed me was purely out of love and protection.

Confusion and sadness temporarily pulses through my body pumping hot and thickly through my veins.

What to do I wonder. Time I guess is the solution. In the meanwhile though I’d like some way of feeling better.

Hormones flying around and colliding at a high, careless speeds with one another. Explosions of jumbled up feelings replicating the movements of a roller coaster ride. Thought patterns which nobody but you can see as a perfectly rational and normal linking process.

I think.

I’ve felt,

I feel.

Lovely love. Heart-wrenching heartbreak.

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