Ria Bandyopadhyay
Sep 8, 2018 · 7 min read

A Different Flavour.. part 3

A week later, the shyness had all faded away. They were a routine for each other now. He picked her up and dropped her back. Sometimes they would meet over lunch, other times over an ice cream after work hours. By now both had found a confidant in each other to whom they could bare their hearts without fearing any judgement. They shared all about their past, present and future plans. Well, future seemed uncertain. One thing that was certain was neither of them were happy with their present situations. Maybe this was the connect that glued them together. Every night she would face herself in the mirror only to know that she wasn’t ready for the life she was slipping into, so easily. And every morning she would convince herself back that sometimes in life things are not always in our control and we need to adjust ourselves as and when our lives demand.

But her situation was worse than mere adjustments. Her life was never in her control. Nor did she ever try for that. Hers was a compromise. She had obeyed her parents and now she was expected to blindly follow her new family more than she did for her own family. Things started taking a more thorny turn when she found herself already so stuck in the situation that she couldn’t even decide what to wear or how to look without ‘someone’ approving of it.

She was expected to send a pic of hers in case she was wearing anything special, make a call in case running late than usual, name all her colleagues/friends to familiarize him with her circle, involve him in case of any get together or outing, remain calm and composed at all times and seek permissions if need be for any change in this routine.

God knows why don’t people understand that sometimes caring too much actually makes it suffocating for the person on the other side. It’s not that we can live without attachments, but at times these unnecessary attachments become so voluminous that relationships suffer a premature death, unable to breathe freely. Not that this one was dead already, but surely she could feel the burden that was already poured on her shoulders so conveniently. She wanted to feel free, to breathe, to let go of all these expectations, take her life in own hands, make her own choices and live her life once, just for herself!

The one time she felt all these in her day was when she was with her new friend. He let her make choices and set her free to do whatever she wanted to, even if that meant doing silly things or making new experiences. She always had a gala time with him, hoped he had the same. Indeed he did.

But this was a dream. And she had to wake up, soon. It was a week before her marriage now. Everything was already set. Relatives had started arriving and ceremonies had begun. She could somehow manage to excuse herself from all that during her work hours. Even though everybody tried to pull her back but she tried her best to find a getaway in office. This helped her release a lot of stress. At least once in a day she would genuinely smile, unlike the fake smiles she had to maintain amidst all the guests and relatives, that made her jaw ache. She could eat whatever she wanted, without the facing the constant nagging she faced at home to take care of her skin, hair and weight before her special day. She could share her nervousness without any hesitation or fear of being judged. Once a day, she could be herself.

But time flew faster than she could imagine. It was just two days before her wedding now. She couldn’t have been more tensed. Though she tried to speak to her parents, but all in vain. Something was not right. Something shouldn’t have been happening. Something was absolutely wrong. Finally the thunder of realisation struck her. Not only was she unprepared to marry this guy, she was not ready to get married at all. And even if she was convinced by her parents that she was in the right age to marry and rest pressure from the society and relatives were compelling too, she could never accept that kind of life calling out to her. She knew it was late and nothing could be done at that moment, yet she decided to give it a try. It took her all her guts to confront herself and then her family.

“I have been questioning myself for quite some time now, maa. This is not the regular ‘marriage blues’ that you think I’m having. I am just not yet ready to get into this. Not atleast with the person you thought would bring the correct balance in my life. I feel my life has been more out of balance now. I find a very little of ‘me’ in my own life. Is this what you call a perfect compatibility? A perfect balance?”

She wiped her tears as she continued further, “I always thought you and baba made the best choices for me, but one time maa, just one time let me make my own choice. I don’t say I would find a better guy than you could, I just need some more time. Anyway, I would never want to compromise myself even if I found the best guy in the whole world. My life has always been bound to what you thought would be good for me. This time I wish I could decide for myself. Even if it’s a mistake, I want to make it. My first choice..”

Before she could continue any further, her father went out of the room without speaking a single word. She slowly moved towards her mother only to feel her soft hands touch her right cheek, not so softly this time. She was alone in the room now. She couldn’t lift her head up this time. Guilt burdened her shoulders. She felt her own tears roll down and fall on her feet. She stood like a corpse for a few minutes and then laid down. This time her cry didn’t make a sound. Silent tears kept rolling down as long as she was awake.

The next moring she woke up, she tried to talk to her parents again but they didn’t take a glance at her. Upset and broken, she decided to go to work.

“Hey, where are you? Everything alright?” He texted her that morning as he confused a girl in the campus for her. To his surprise, it was her.

She replied to his text and agreed to meet over lunch. Both were there around 1pm at the canteen. They hardly ate anything. Someone had to break the ice, he did it.

“I tried my best to convince them. But they won’t even consider rethinking. Apparently, my voice is too feeble to reach anybody’s ears. Maybe, I shouldn’t even have tried. Or maybe I should have tried a lot earlier.” Unable to speak without shedding tears, she became silent for the next few minutes.

“Here”, she spoke softly as she took out something from her purse. It was a copy of a rental agreement. There was also a ticket along with that. She was moving to another city, the next day.

He was dumbstruck. Couldn’t utter a word for a few minutes. And then he asked, “won’t you at least inform them before leaving? and that too on your wedding day?”

“They know by now”, she said in a plain tone.

“And..?”

“This was the last conversation we had yesterday, my father went out of the room without saying a word and when I stepped towards maa to hold her hand, it ended with a slap on my face”. She paused for a while and then continued, “I know I am being selfish and all of this doesn’t make any sense, but what sense did it make earlier in not listening to any of my pleads? How was it justified to never let me take a stand for my own? How could they almost force me to get into something that was never right for me, more importantly never wanted by me?

I tried my best to convince myself to compromise to the circumstances, but imagining that this would be the rest of my life brought a chill down my spine. It’s insane I know, but this is what I choose. To be insane! I’m not coward enough to run away. Nor am I taking my family for granted and waiting for them to understand my state of mind, but I can’t just surrender myself to a trap forever. For the first time, I am going to change the flavor. It’s not gonna be vanilla now. I have made a choice and this is the new flavor of my life.”

As he held her hand tightly and looked into her eyes, all he could speak was, “take care! It’s gonna be difficult without you here..”

She wanted to cry but controlled her emotions. “I wish I could ask you to stay in touch, but that would only make it more difficult for both of us. This chapter seems to be over from my life and I don’t want to keep a bookmark. I would really love to see you reappear on a new page somewhere in the future chapters though..”

The last hug was powerful. It spoke a lot more than their words ever conveyed.

A year and a half later;

She hurried from her office towards her new flat. Her parents were visiting her after all this while, finally. Her happiness knew no bounds. How dearly she wanted to hug them and never ever leave them again. How excited she was to show them her new flat, her new life. She had already cooked their lunch before leaving for office that morning. As she rushed towards the bus stop to catch an early bus to her home she realized she had missed one, a few minutes ago and the next bus was in 25 minutes. She quickly booked a shared cab without any ado and got in as soon as it arrived.

“Bhaiya, 2898.” She gave the OTP to the driver, who confirmed back the ride by her name.

“Hi..”, some known voice spoke from the front seat, again.

She couldn’t recognize exactly at first until he bent his head to show his face. It was him!

“Oh my God! You here? Today? But why?” She couldn’t control her thrill this time. The driver was more scared than happy that the co-passengers knew each other this time. Something unexpected for the poor guy. Something weirdly interesting for her, something fortunately surprising for him. A different flavor altogether!!