Better days will come. How to overcome adversity as a student

René
René
Jul 30, 2017 · 5 min read
Me and my Granny

I was recently reflecting on my time as a student and it dawned on me that the continuous studying, exams, coursework deadlines, and balancing that with other commitments like societies, a job etc. was only part of the reason that student life was stressful at times. The hardest thing about being a student is REAL life, the life we have outside of university, college, school that runs in parallel alongside it. REAL life is tough at times. Your parents could be going through a divorce, your mum is in an abusive relationship, financial worries, a member of the family might be suffering with an illness, you yourself could have health issues, your relationship hasn’t worked out, the list is endless. But despite all these things, come Monday morning, you still have to get up, attend classes, submit that coursework, revise for that exam, apply for that internship, all whilst dealing with the emotional turmoil of REAL life. Life unfortunately doesn’t stop and say “Rene has an exam next Friday, so let’s not take the piss”. If onlyyy!!! It continues regardless, and somehow we have to manage it all.

I decided to write this post mainly based on my own personal experiences and because I’ve read so many inspirational graduation stories, with students overcoming all types of life changing trials and tribulations to graduate. The week before my A Level exams started, I made the decision to move out of my parents’ home and live with my Granny. I remember it so clearly, putting as much as I could in two black bags, dragging it down the stairs of my estate to the bus stop and that was it. My home life was always rather ‘interesting’ and for that reason, throughout secondary school, I tried my best to never be at home. I participated in all the sports clubs after school, I signed up to every school play so I would be busy rehearsing, and on weekends I split my time between the library and hanging with friends who luckily lived close by. When I started sixth form, although I tried to spend as much time in various libraries and internet cafes, sometimes I didn’t want to feel like I was constantly ‘running’. I wanted to stay home and revise, but my home life wasn’t set up that way and I was very aware of how important it was for me to do well in my A Levels, hence the decision to leave. With my A Level exams due to start a week later, there was 0 time for me to really take in that whole situation, I just had to block everything out and focus. My granny’s living room became my revision space and I remember not unpacking any of my clothes and properly settling in until my exams were over.

Final year of university, I was walking to the computer room with friends when my mum called me crying. My granny had been diagnosed with breast cancer. I remember turning around and running the opposite way, leaving my friends to walk ahead whilst I just exploded into tears. My granny was 82, and I lived with her for large parts of my life so it was a shock. My degree just didn’t seem to matter anymore; I just wanted to be with her through it all, like she was there for me during my struggles. Following several discussions with different family members, it was decided that I stay in university to focus on final year and they would give me daily updates, especially after all her operations. I’m happy to say my granny is cancer free and at 83 is still going strong. LEGEND!!!

Tips for overcoming adversity whilst being a student

Take a break: When you’re studying, it always feels like there is no time. No time to eat, even sleep sometimes, let alone just take a whole day to do nothing. But when you’re going through something, a day or 2 to just digest and reflect on everything is needed.

Tell the relevant people: Linked to the above, if something happens that is going to require you to take some time out, but actually you have a coursework deadline coming up and an exam a week later, tell the relevant people. Lecturers, department heads, the exam team etc. Get a family member to follow up with a phone call / email to explain the situation in more detail. This way you can come to a more suitable arrangement that takes some of the pressure off you. In final year, I had a coursework deadline that I almost missed because of the situation with my granny, but I didn’t tell anyone until a few hours leading up to the deadline. Even when I was emailing my lecturer, I didn’t mention my grans illness because I didn’t want to look like I was making excuses (silly I know). However, when they started talking about marking me a 0 for my assignment I realised I had to say something, so I explained the situation, got my mum to call and I spoke with the coursework submission team. Don’t leave it till last minute like I did, tell the relevant people straight away.

Tell your support network: I’m quite an emotionally private person, never wanting to bother anyone with my feelings, but looking back now, keeping everything in probably wasn’t the best idea. I remember there was this period in final year where I just revised in my room which isn’t unusual but I did it purposely because I didn’t want to see my friends. Being the lovely girls they are, they always asked about my granny and in all honesty I just wasn’t ready to tell them, because I knew if I did, I might just crumble. I remember one day I went to the library and my girl asked me that very question and I just burst into tears and told her everything. When I told the rest of my friends it was honestly the best feeling because I no longer felt so alone. Open up to your closest friends or even a professional, but whatever you do, don’t feel like you have to take on the world on your own, there is always someone.

Find another focus: There are soooo many different things to get involved in at university regardless of your interests and I can admit to not taking advantage of that. Sure, I joined like 2 societies, but I never really developed any hobbies or took the opportunity to try something totally different and out of my comfort zone. When I think about going through hard times as a student, so much of that stress and pressure could have been avoided by spreading my focus. Instead of sitting in my room overthinking and worrying, if I had just got involved more in student life, taken up a hobby, learnt a new skill etc. then it would’ve given me something else to think about and put my energies into. If you’re going through something, before it all gets too much, use what’s around you to take your mind off it.

For every student / graduate that has been through or is currently going through a tough time, this post is for you ❤

René xx

René

Written by

René

Digital Product Manager | Careers Blogger | Inspiring the next generation |

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