I got my heart broken a couple of years ago. A dozen traumatic experiences followed right after, but one thing that I am now really thankful for is the shift in my perception.

I started observing love closely because I knew what I experienced wasn’t love. And I had to see how I had mistaken it for love.

I also knew that I wanted to settle because it may be for a brief moment, but the feeling of knowing that this is it, this is where you stop looking, is divine.

I cannot reiterate this enough that love is too beautiful a feeling to give up on. And I am being so confident because of what I have observed with people over the years. I still don’t know what love is, but isn’t it’s just priceless to witness what love brings out of people, the miles it makes them go, the unbelievable things it makes them do, the peace and calm it brings them?

And yet, I fail to gather the strength to put myself in a position like that again. I refuse to play the games; I refuse to fall into that wonderment of if the person is really into me or I am just another conquest. I don’t have the energy to YOLO my way through love again.

From the person, who would go beyond the believable for love, who would give people a million reasons to stay, I am now a person who gives them a billion reasons to leave.

Maybe I want to see if someone will find a reason worth staying at the end of this dark road, even after I have scared them away. Maybe I have raised the bar too high, or this is where the bar should have always been. There’s just too many maybe’s in my world where I am just waiting for something to BE.