about string theory and frappuccinos (’cause everything and everyone are shaking on a blender)
i’ve been talking a lot to myself lately. it’s not that i don’t have friends or social media. i guess i’ll always fancy cigarettes and the romanticized idea of loneliness. but life’s not a sylvia plath poem even i wish it was.
oh, no. i wouldn’t dare wishing. too gloomy. even for me.
what you seek is what you get and it’s funny (or not that funny) to think the more lonely i want to be (or i think i want to be) the more people sick i feel. the other day i was at college, sitting alone after recess (i usually sit alone) and i said ‘hi’ to this girl i really enjoy her looks. i just said ‘hi’ but she came to me and said ‘oh boy, gimme a hug’.
i couldn’t have felt happier.
when i’m alone-smoking-talking-to-myself-and-stuff i always think about the universe. and how it dances. how it skillfully and beautifully dances. how it dances through its strings just like einstein said. and thorne. and greene. and susskind. like a symphony of everything. i could play tchaikovsky’s swan lake and the universe would be odile and i would be odette ’cause everything goes together like a frappuccino. and i love frappuccinos.
extra shot, please.
but, you see, quantum physics is no way different than the bible or yoga sessions or astrology or self-help or rebellious exploding themselves waiting for their god. it is just an highbrow path to an answer — any answer. and we all want answers. and we all want to be highbrows. especially nowadays.
i wish i were younger. i wish i could do things i can’t do right now or would be too ashamed to do. like walking with sunglasses at night. like taking too many xanax or spending my afternoons watching movies and drinking cheap beers at cheap bars and being ok with that. now i drink expensive drinks in expensive places and i’m not very ok with that. i’m not ok with much to be honest. ’cause i wait too much. and when you’re young you don’t. you’re ok with just getting drunk — no matter where. no matter how.
i don’t know what i’m talking about anymore but i hope you enjoy it.