Okay

I thought I was okay;

Until I went to tag your name in the comments of a stupid meme I knew you would laugh at. Then I had to fight the urge to call or send you a message about how my dreams captivate the most beautiful parts of our lives together.

I thought I was okay;

Until I realized I can’t remember the last time we kissed. I began to wonder if you cry yourself to sleep at night or miss me too. I wondered if you hurt like I hurt and if you read over the sentiments we had shared. I wonder if you put into place the words that I spoke to better yourself, or if you chose the other road.

I thought I was okay;

Until I realized that I wasn’t. I realized that I love you. And my heart aches knowing your mind can be wandering. My heart aches knowing your eyes and hands are no longer mine to hold.

I thought I was okay;

But I’m lying in a bed, playing over and over again the time that you told me every good time would overpower the bad, and I wish so greatly this bad time would pass.

I thought I was okay;

Until I went through the pictures and realized how much I love how bad your breath smells and how much I love your awful hair cuts.

I thought I was okay;

Maybe some day I will be, but for right now all I feel is broken bits of myself forcing themselves together because strength is what the boys need.

I thought I was okay;

But almost two years of my life feels ripped away from my hands. And I’m trying to figure out how to find it, bring it back, and carry it home through the fog.

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