Tonight you’re mine, completely #TandemBlog

OR… How my need for intimacy is totally messing with my happy divorce
One of my favourite pictures — I love the the giddy delight, the sense of crazy fun, freedom and friendship

I have been having a perfectly happy divorce.

P E R F E C T L Y H A P P Y.

It’s been bloody wonderful. I have loved the journey of negotiating my life as a solo- rather than a team-human. The freedom has always been intoxicating but my experience of it has evolved and changed.

At first it was a voluptuous woman in black leather and very high heels doing slow sensual turns with a bright blue feather boa. Then it was the deep throaty laughter of a group of women sitting at the Mount Nelson discussing secret things. Then it was this Picasso picture above.

But recently it’s been the moment, always stolen, to read a WhatsApp message that makes me want to stretch my arms out wide and breath deep into my stomach.

And this most recent incarnation has me greatly confused. Since when do I experience freedom in a connection? When did I start to need so much intimacy?

This takes me to other, more threatening questions… For how long will this WhatsApp intimacy sustain me?

How many messages before I need intimacy to touch with fingers, lips and tongue rather than emoji? And what, or who, will I touch and what will it mean? What if I lose it all — again — fall into team-Sarah and forget… and can never, ever, find my feather boa and throaty laugh?

Next to the need to be someone’s, completely, sits a rock-hard fear. So I sit next to it and introduce myself. (We are going to spend a lot of time together…) I ask it a question.

Can I be loved (owned?) without losing the ability to love (own) myself completely?

Note: This piece is part of the #TandemBlogproject. 9 bloggers. 5 weeks. 1 shared topic. Follow your nose and read the next blog in line:,,,,,,,

(Go on… you know you want to.)