Today’s Vagenda
Sara Schaefer

Perfect! That blend of female sense of entitlement and disdain for men is spot on!

One quibble. I just got off the phone to my gender studies professor and she agrees that your description of a woman physically killing or hurting several men is definitely problematic and might cross into outright misogyny. The notion that a woman would get her hands dirty instead of making false and preferably anonymous accusations in the media or to the diversity council at her university so obviously violates the basic principles of feminism.

You will be glad to know that I have already briefed a team devoted to the pursuit of social justice. They are currently improving their understanding of your situation, such as your employer, place of study, any clubs you belong to. Once these details have been established, they will be able to help you structure an appropriate apology.

They can also recommend a reading list to enable you to deepen your understanding of the problematic aspects of your behavior. This may come in handy once you have been fired from your job or expelled from your university.

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