Perception is everything.

2017 has been the toughest year in my life.

Blood, sweat and tears personally and professionally sums it up quite well. But the same way times of prosperity are great softeners, so do the times of struggle harden oneself if perceived correctly.

And this has been one of the biggest lessons of 2017.

Thanks to Ryan Holiday’s books Ego is the Enemy and Obstacle is the Way I started on a new journey. For those who haven’t read them and are exchanging blows with life these books have changed my worldview in profound ways.

Shakespear’s quote “there is nothing either good or bad, but (our) thinking makes it so” is what perception does to us. For a long time for me life has been something that happened to us unsuspecting victims. It was full of great and happy moments, but also far too many sad and unfortunate situations that shaked me up from the core. Got sacked by my cofounders, my wife ran away from me, my health went downhill and whom did I blame? Certainly not myself. If not the interested parties than at least the world and its cruel fate.

Then slowly but steadily, esp. with time (that supposedly heals all wounds) and getting deeper into the books above, my perspective started to shift significantly. We take things that happen to us and judge them not according to what they really are, but how they make us feel. And the more the so-called “negative stuff” comes up the more eager we are to add to that pile of sadness.

The most important insight for me is really that things truly are what we make them. If a situation is looked upon from various angles before its being automatically sentenced to become negative and wreak havoc in our lives we get the opportunity to see them for what they really are.

And even though this sounds cheesy these “bad” things that happen to us are nothing but challenges. Tests of our resolve, of our clarity of judgement and of our discipline. They are opportunities that literally can make or break us where we stand.

Stoicism which is the foundation for Ryan’s books was built exactly on this notion. That by withholding judgement, considering possibilities and only acting accordingly without letting our emotions, our conditioning and snap reactions take over we can change the way we experience life.

The above is all well and good though, but exactly because most of us didn’t grow up with these notions of patience and clearheadedness its really tough to make them part of our daily lives. Replacing our usual reactions and stopping ourselves from screaming in anger at the injustices of world is quite the challenge. When another ugly tasks lands on our desks, we loose a deal to a competitor or are accused by our loved ones of something we didn’t do or should not have done those are we’re we loose control.

However the upside of this never-ending journey is why the struggle is all worth it. On the one hand life becomes much easier, because you do not fret over everything right away, but you get to choose whether to react at all and if so to what extent. On the other it becomes far more interesting because of it. I realized that by not letting my emotions take over I am getting far more space to actually “perceive” what is happening around me and also to me. This way I can stop my brain from jumping to conclusions instantly and instead focus on was it in front of me and listen more closely to the people in my life.

Though I can’t judge whether any change has been perceived by others, I know that inside I feel like having a much better grasp on life, my days are far more enjoyable, the connection with my family, friends and colleagues has more depth. Overall I feel that life is much better than ever before and its largely because of changing perception. And I’ll always remember its not what happens to us that is most important, but how we see and react to it. If you’re on a crossroads in life and feel like things are not getting better I encourage you to take advantage of the books above and maybe your perception might change too.

P.S. Check out this inspiring video on handling other people’s venting
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YgKdN0hd3kI