Late Night Thoughts

Do I want to know?

Is this even finite? Could this ever end?

Fuck. Running in circles is not so funny. I made some big promises and left home with huge hopes. My biggest one was that for once I would be able to change and solve most of my so-called problems. Now, after almost two months I’ve spent here, I must admit that my plans didn’t work out the way I imagined.

I managed to convince myself that moving abroad and meeting new people would help me be a better person. At times I get overwhelmed with emotions, especially during the night while I’m alone and have time to think. I does no good to me, it just makes me lose my sanity and gets me in a weird state of mind.

Fuck this.

This should stop. Right now.

R-i-g-h-t n-o-w.

I must stop being my old me, and achieve every single thing I have ever wanted.

First, I have to stop taking everything personally. This is basically a ‘get stronger’ exercise.

Must stop being such a lazy guy. Be on top of things, be relaxed and be happy.

Shouldn’t force things. Have to let them evolve, it will turn out my way eventually.

Have to make up my mind about almost everything, get stuff in order.

Be more determined. It feels like I’m not that determined as I was before getting here. Really need to start making things and maybe make some real money someday.

I do believe that writing down my thoughts could help me eventually, at least I can get all these clutter in my head in order. It’s obvious that big changes need to take place and the time should be now. There’s no point in waiting any longer.