Slaying Dragons

I envision myself a slayer of dragons. One of those big, strong, fearless classic heroes that face down whatever fire-breathing monster is in his path. Single-handedly defeating the giant serpent with little more than a sword and shield. A man, fighting not for sport or even his own safety, but the safety and well-being of his loved ones and people that depend on him.

So I may be a touch delusional, but I do not suffer from hallucinations. My visions are a metaphor for my role as a man, son and husband. The dragons are the problems, obstacles, and difficulties that threaten the security and happiness of those I care about. The battle is me doing what I have to do to be the provider, protector, and man they deserve. I will not let them down, nor will I break any promises I have made. I will put their needs ahead of my own when necessary. I see myself as sort of a cross between Saint Michael the Archangel, and that dude on the cover of the Skyrim video game (that I've never played).

Circumstances dictated years ago that I needed to take a second job to insure the financial security of my household. At the time, it was possibly a temporary measure. I have worked 80 hours a week now for almost ten years. Writing that out in words make it seem not very temporary. People wonder when I sleep, how I keep doing it. I never have complained and I am not complaining now. Lots of people work long hours. Even more people are struggling to find a job. I am lucky to have the work and to be able to provide.

Establishing financial security for the household is one of those survival level needs. A roof over our head, bills paid, food in the refrigerator. All those kind of things you find at the bottom of Maslow’s pyramid of human needs. It is a dragon that never really dies, but one you continue to fight on a month to month and day to day basis. For now, I am winning the fight.

I’m kind of getting to that age where my parents are starting to need a little care too. It’s really the little things. I make sure the lawn is mowed in the summer and snow is cleared from the driveway in the winter. I stay in touch, I follow their doctor appointments, I remember Mother’s day, Father’s day and birthdays with more than just a card or phone call. The dragon that they would fear is not having anyone to count on. I don’t actually have to do too awful much at this stage, but they seem grateful to know I would be there for them in a second, for any need big or small. They don’t have to be afraid.

I think feminism has been good for telling women that they are capable of achieving anything they want to do. I think one of the unforeseen consequences of empowering women has been to make women feel they are expected to do everything. They pressure themselves to be a career woman, raise a family, be the classroom mom at the school, keep a tidy house, go to school at night, be a wife and lover, and be good at all of it. Instead of making them feel like they can do anything, sometimes this ideal had made women feel like they have failed at everything. It is a big dragon facing the modern woman, and the women in my life (wife, step-daughters, friends, family). For my part, I think it is the male role that has to also evolve to escape this trap and defeat this fire-lizard. I like to eat, so I think I should be able to shop and cook when needed. I do help with the grocery shopping, laundry, cooking (when I’m allowed in the kitchen ☺), and I know how to run the vacuum cleaner. I am appreciated, but I don’t complain about it or expect a parade for it. It’s my house and I help out around it as the needs dictate. A real man has to step up, put on his big boy pants, and do whatever it takes to make his wife/partner/daughter feel like they are a success at whatever they are setting out to do.

Fight Club is one of my favorite books and movies, sort of a cathartic guilty pleasure. Tyler Durden has a lot to say and illuminate about the modern male role and problems finding a place in today’s world.

Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need. We’re the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War’s a spiritual war… our Great Depression is our lives. We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. And we’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed off.

The problem with Tyler Durden is that he is much better at pointing out the problems, than he is at offering any kind of solution. He is a nihilist that simply says to tear it all down and start over. Chances are, if he did erase society as we know it and started over, the world would build itself pretty close to the way it was. Nothing would be solved.

My own personal answer has been to find meaning in being a hero in my own life. Being the Dragonslayer, and giving myself place and purpose in smiting the dangers/problems/obstacles that face my family and loved ones. It is my own personal Great War, and I want to be the kind of man that they can be proud of. That they can count on. It doesn't matter to me how much my job(s) may suck, how little sleep I get, or what I have to do to slay the fire-lizards. I refuse to fail.