Richard Overman
Jul 28, 2017 · 4 min read

Change your perspective, change your life

Growing up in a small town, in a poor neighborhood and what I consider a dysfunctional family, my perspective on life was slightly skewed. Of course, as a kid I had no idea what perspective was or what it meant. Honestly, until recently I never gave it any thought. I thought that once you reach grownup status, regardless of your upbringing, childhood events, parenting, etc…, that you could leave it all in the past and make your own authentic, unbiased decisions. That blaming your issues, whatever they may encompass, on your childhood was a copout.

Bullshit.

Clarity is a rare drug that some people never experience and for 35 years of my life, I never tasted it. Until this last week. A chain of events that were set in motion in the last few weeks have propelled me to this euphoria of clarity about life, er, well my life at least. I’m by no means an expert on life or societal issues. For years, through failure, pain, fuckery, mistakes and change I always thought that time will make me wiser and that idiotic mistakes that I’ve made in my young adultness would change, on its own, with no effort. Or that becoming a Christian, praying, believing, living a good life would change me. It brought me optimism, some peace, knowledge, experience and a true belief but internal change of who I am/was never happened. Relationships came and went, usually because of my stubbornness or my blindness. I became content with being alone because I built a life since I can remember on it. If there was a problem, I would fix it. If I was hurt, I wouldn’t tell anyone. If I needed help, I wouldn’t ask. I just thought, it’s my DNA, it’s who I am, it’s how God made me.

Bullshit.

Most of us grow up for at least 18 years, if we are lucky, in a somewhat consistent environment. As of today, that is more than half my life. To think that events that happened, whether I remember them or not, for more than half of my life had no impact on my behaviors, actions, reactions, decisions and personality is at the least ludicrous and at the most just fucking crazy. Rarely do we think back and truly understand the shear impact, especially if your childhood isn’t worth remembering. Sometimes you joke about it. You tell stories at holidays about the ‘crazy’ or fun times. But everything else, you put in iron chest, lock it, duct tape it, put it in another box, gorilla glue it and shove it into the deepest crevice inside your soul. What’s the point of opening that chest, what good could it possibly do?

This chain of events put me in a position to be hyperaware, which led me to meditation, which led me to reading a book that flipped my perspective on its face. I understand now why I never talk about how I feel. Why I get annoyed when someone tries to help me. Why I show my love through life changes and not words of affirmation or sex. Why I expect everyone to just figure it out when they have a problem to be solved. Why I shut down when someone is pressuring or smothering me. Why is the hardest question to solve and I’m not even close but I’m miles further than I was 30 days ago. The feeling of clarity, knowing that I’m not just the way I am and will never change and just have to learn to live life with my issues. I’ve never been more transparent and aware. The journey is never over, it’s never finished but the last thing I want when I’m 90 is to regret. Regret, a word to many know to well. It wrecks lives, it reeks in the cemetery, it paralyzes good people.

Fuck regret. Say it again, fuck regret. Live with passion, live with purpose, give your everything to everything, don’t judge and don’t care about being judged, be weird, make it awkward, laugh often. Stop putting things off because you think you don’t have time or you’re to busy or focused on something else. We are humans, we are capable of the unthinkable so stop limiting yourself. If you can only give 20% to what you love to do then give 100% of that 20%. If you can only give 70% to your family then give all fucking 100% of that 70% to them. Perspective is everything. Take your half full glass and turn it upside down and see what it does. If it fails, so what. If it ends in the same result, who cares. What if it opens a door to everything you’ve been craving. What if it changes your life in a direction you thought about but never considered possible because you put limits on your life. What if it brings you happiness, love, peace and everything that you need to have an amazing life. Stop smelling your own bullshit that you’ve sold yourself on to cover the already distasteful smell of regret because it will come to the surface of your skin and it will burn like the desert sun. Perspective — a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view; true understanding of the relative importance of things; a sense of proportion. Change it, then change it again, then change it again. Find what feels right, understand it, don’t regret it, be kind, bring happiness not pain, learn, have fun and eventually you will live the life you want.

Richard Overman

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Working to be a good man, leader, father and impacter of lives.