Advice on Internet dating from years of trying
I thought I’d give some tips for those of you who are considering using an on-line dating site to find true love, or semi-true love. Especially if you’re older, like me. These are all actual things I’ve encountered and learned while I’ve tried on-line dating. Obviously, these are from the male point of view (me), but some of these definitely apply to “women looking for men.”
I should mention that I live in New Orleans. In the state of Louisiana. However, I think these handy tips can apply to you wherever you live, mostly.
If you love books, and the person on-line says, “I don’t read,” or that his or her favorite author is Nicolas Sparks, I would tend to believe them.
I’d be cautious about anyone who lists his or her main requirement that you be “financially secure.” Is this a chance at romance? Or a merger?
If the photograph shows the face only, you have a right to be suspicious of the torso.
I wouldn’t contact a woman who refers to herself as a “gal.” As in, “This gal loves her pasta.”
More than two exclamation marks in a profile is cause for moving on in my book, especially if they’re at the end of the same sentence.
If the first thing on the “Five Things I Can’t Live Without” list is cellphone, then enter at your own risk.
I personally wouldn’t contact a woman with a photo showing her A. Holding a gun (yes, I have seen this: AK47) or B. On a huge motorcycle (quite a few times).
I would shy away from people who USE ALL CAPS IN THEIR PROFILES, USUALLY TO WARN YOU NOT TO CONTACT THEM IF YOU ARE MARRIED OR JUST LOOKING FOR A ROLL IN THE HAY BECAUSE I AM NOT SO DON’T BOTHER!
I would avoid profiles with comments like, “I have been so disappointed with on-line dating and have almost given up so many times, because of all the men who lie about who they are, but I thought I’d give it one more try. Anyone up for that?”
I wouldn’t necessarily respond to a woman’s profile that says anyone who contacts her “must be able to drive a tractor.” On another occasion, the requirement was “who can use a backhoe.” Unless you can.
I would be opposed to contacting anyone dressed in camouflage.
I would not contact anyone who believes that creationism should be taught in schools just like evolution, because “it’s only fair.”
I tend to stay away from women who say that God is “the most important person in my life right now.”
Did I mention these are all actual comments and responses I’ve seen?
I don’t contact anyone who drops their “g’s” at the end of a word. Latest example. Question: “What Am I’m Doing With My Life? Answer: “Chuggin’ along, baby.”
I personally wouldn’t contact anyone with a profile photo taken in the bathroom.
I don’t contact anyone who says, “I lost my beloved husband of thirty years last winter and after deeply grieving for months am just now able to think about cautiously venturing out into the world.”
There is a question on OK Cupid that asks: “Which is bigger, the sun or the moon?” If the person replies “the moon,” and you contact him or her, there’s little I can do for you. (Yes, I have seen that answer.)
If the answer to the question, “Do you feel a need to shower immediately after having sex?” is yes, then there may be a few issues that need working on.
I’d stay away from women who have a picture where their arms are spread wide, like Ethel Merman singing “Everything’s Coming Up Roses.”
These are little things I’ve learned. I hope they help you on your journey to love. Of course, I may be presumptuous here. These descriptions may sound like the woman (or man) of your dreams. If so, they’re out there. Believe me.
Oh, one final thing. My results with on-line dating have been, for the most part, a disaster, so you might want to take that into consideration when weighing my advice.