Elegance 101 : Is It All About Money & Upper-Class Society?
Have you ever wondered why these days people are lacking of elegant attitude? Or is it too early to judge someone merely from what luxury brands they ‘wear’? For some people, they believe that our existence is defined by what class we are in society, and society tends to cluster group of people based on endless standards they created — gender, luxury brands, fashion quirks, hobbies, etc. The recent trend in the vast paced information traffic & content analytic also reprogram how we perceive the world through social media like YouTube & TikTok. Many content creators create their own shows under the slogan of ‘Freedom of Expression’, and we see the numerous inappropriate content showing the audiences how far these ‘be yourself’ plagues can take without adhering to the rule of common sense. Today, as we embrace the individuality in modern society, the idea of classy manners and elegance sound too obsolete and rare — if not being too exclusive and snooty.
I personally believe that everyone has their own personal set of value — depending on their upbringings in the family and the environment they grew with, but when it comes to the publicity and social exposure, ones would be violating the common sense rule and nowadays, it seems normal — we are on the way to uncivilization. For example, some contents we consume in daily basis may display nudity/sexuality depicting girls dancing with minimal garments covering their almost naked bodies (I am sorry, but for fair judgement, my sore eyes have their right to feel shame, too!). Some contents normalizing swears, some may exhibit flex culture, and many contemporary internet slangs submerged the literature phrases in fruition of short-spanned media focus which ruined the aesthetic of language. Plus, social acceptance often refer to the materialistic concept (and this is not a secret!), where masculinity/femininity are perceived by physical appearance —your tangible ‘assets’. Hence, we are trapped in the rat-race culture so we can buy to impress.
Instagram, YouTube, or even 15-seconds length content like TikTok are all orchestrating the same pattern of social media influencers flexing about high-end lifestyle and expensive stuffs as joie de vivre. But are all of them classified as elegance?
Redefining ‘Elegance’ As Lifestyle
Sometimes, we tend to look up to majority opinions because it is comfortable enough to go with the flow, or, there is a misunderstanding clue when referring ‘elegance’ definition because sometimes elegance is depicted as fine quality banquet dinner with champagne in a classic Great Gatsby setting on the background. While some details might be correct, but there is more than just a façade.
Elegance is more complex than just a fading trend. It is a lifestyle. An evolutionary standard value where it was accepted as the traditional norm in human behavior from the beginning of civilization. According to FasterCapital, elegance is part of cultural evolution which in ancient times was associated with royalty and upper-class. It has been influenced by various factors such as social, cultural and economic changes. But in the 20th century, fashion industry has reinvented the new age of modern elegance so it can be accessible to the wider customer. The rise of technology also put significant role introducing the term of elegance in a fashioned-form of movies and magazines. So while it’s true that elegance is constructed under the spirit of upper-class culture, but it is not always all about the expensive brand. As wisemen always say, “you can buy all of the expensive things, but class”. So, no expensive things money can’t buy, but value. Your lifestyle is a value which set you apart from majority people and it can only be honed by daily habits and strong discipline.
From the way we talk to the way we walk, elegance is all about consistently walk the talk our values in daily basis. Unfortunately, the rising of social media contents capture how our standard can change from A to Z inconsistently and fade away depending on trends. Like fashion industry, we tend to consume elegance in materiality concept rather than enforcing it as an identity.
One of the subtopics covered in elegance is personal attitude. Nowadays, people tend to create the image of elegance but forgetting the importance of manner in the way we interact each other. The authenticity of being elegance lies in the form of modesty and humility. These qualities aren’t going to be discussed in affluent schools but actually, they are reflected on many intellectuals because life humbles character through personal experiences. Diamond is still diamond despite zircons everywhere. Everything takes time to perfect, but you don’t need to be the Duchess of Cambridge to start becoming elegant.
‘People Know You’re Good If You’re Good’
The needs for attention has reminded me to ‘A Peacock’s Tail’ concept where gorgeous appearance and other positive attributes creating positive feedback mechanism over generation. I borrowed the term of ‘the peacock’s tail effect’ from the famous evolutionist theory, Charles Darwin — as stated in On Darwin and the Making of Sexual Selection — which resembles the phenomenon of male peacock’s craving female attention, struggling for mates as ‘secondary sexual characteristic’. Ones would polish his appearance to be implied as the ‘perfect mate’ among other mates. Or, simply craving for attention.
And yes, to many, appearance can be the first thing to judge among other things — character, personal values, daily habits. That’s why fashion brands and cosmetic brands are there as the instant solution to perfect an image. Like any business rule, when there is a demand, there is supply. What makes a really good business deal is that society desired perfection from its cover.
The good news is, you still can manage to handle your tangible appearance without sacrificing your intrinsic values. Elegance is the combination where you put things together as a whole identity, because people know you’re good if you’re good.
Elegance as Intrinsic Value
If you read until this part, I guess you are interested to become an authentic elegant. How to discern elegance from arrogance?
Elegance is not the embellishment of your fashion attributes or speaking in a scholarly terms anytime you speak — and it is not about your fashion sense or well-educated background. When you think everyone is equal as human and believe in humanity, when you’re confident in your own skin, when you have common sense that you live in a social structure and share the same ecosystem with other living creatures — so you realize any actions and words will directly or indirectly impact others, when you have empathy with common social issues, when you are willing to criticize and audit yourself objectively, or you are currently focus to your own personal growth rather than put your nose to someone else’s business, then basically you are authentically elegant. Being elegant also make you realize that there is always someone better than you; and they’re like hidden gem nobody could imagine because their rich inner life doesn’t need others validation. Elegant people have strong principles and act accordingly, and their presence is sort of ethereal rather than haunting. In short, they’re ethical. So if you are dealing with persons who are not even closed to anything in the list— they are just simply not.
Elegance as Extrinsic Attribute
However, extracting the elegance from intrinsic essence to the juice of personality also needs physical effort which can be seen through daily behavior. There are practical courses and books about table manner, self-actualization and calisthenic improvement to support the imagery of elegant. Practicing this set of standard can also help boost our elegant persona and level-up our charisma as well. There is nothing wrong learning about manners.
What seems wrong is when some people created false narrative tells that being elegant is a form of hypocrites, being untrue to self, and toxic positivity — especially if you came from ordinary class background. The elegance as extrinsic attribute should reflect how you carry yourself presentable, chic and confident. Never hesitate to invest more for yourself like taking care your body, healthy lifestyle, self-improvement, anything that molds to your elegance standard. As long as you have growth mindset, they are your best assets.
Elegance isn’t solely defined by what you wear. It’s how you carry yourself, how you speak, and what you read. — Carolina Herrera
Finally, I feel the responsibility to disclaim my superiority in the field of affluent manners. I dedicated this writing to support women from all backgrounds in searching of their best version of self (including myself) as the agent of change in the future. This is a friendly reminder that we are still progressing in working on ourselves, before we change the opinion of others.
Conclusion
Contrary to popular belief, being classy & elegance has nothing to do with expensive brand of stuffs and upper-class social status. It all depends on our mindset and practical values in daily basis. We can start somewhere before going up the ladder, but surely with money and popularity everything comes in handy. Sometimes, what we believe ‘just be yourself’ in the state of less experience and lack of knowledge can lead generation to the ignorance and self-destruction.
