Fail Party

Anxiety is a motherfucker.

Countless occasions I have spent a whole day developing a new business idea only to casually dismiss it before going to sleep.

“I would have to learn a new skill. Too much work.”

“What happens if it actually works? Then what’s next?”

“What happens if it fails? What will people think?”

These are only three of the dozens of thoughts which create dust storms while circling around my brain like racehorses.

It doesn’t take a genius psychologist to realize these hindering thoughts are not born in logic, but irrational anxiety.

Learning a new skill is not something to be feared, but embraced with open arms. What is the worst that can happen, you put in effort for a couple weeks and then discover you aren’t interested? Big fucking deal.

The modern online education landscape makes it unbelievably cheap to develop a wide range of skills. Look up the term “MOOC” to get more information. Get lectures directly from Harvard and MIT professors. Learn how to dance around and crush the kitchen with a Masterclass from Gordon Ramsey.

The important part is putting in the work.

I have actually gotten over my silly fear of bettering myself through learning something new and completed a couple MOOCs in Network Security. I have a new strange feeling of confidence that my computer has no weak points for hackers to attack. The satisfaction of accomplishing that far outweighed any anxiety I faced before the courses.

(FYI: Learning just the very basics of Net Security will produce incredible results in the everyday security of your computers/phones. I recommend CYBRARY for FREE beginner classes. This is NOT an affiliate link and I have no association with that site at all. It is just a quality site.)

There really is no logical reason for the unknown to be scarier than the known. We have to realize, if we venture into the unknown and things get hairy, we can usually return to the known, no worse for wear.

After completing the Security courses, my fear of learning a new skill (I laugh at myself every time this phrase pops in my head at how silly it is) dissipated and I attempted to learn how to code.

Guess what?

I tried and I couldn’t pick it up. I failed.

Boo hoo.

After wiping my tears, I really thought about it.

WHO GIVES A FUUUUUUUUCK?

I studied by myself to better myself and the only one who cares is……

Myself.

Still working on smashing my ego because in the end almost nobody gives a shit about me (or you).

Family not withstanding, I have maybe 3 people who care about me. 3 people who would drop everything and drive from a different state if my daughters or I were in trouble.

3 out of at least a thousand in my network. Under 1%.

100% of those 3 people don’t look down on me when I fail.

100% of those 3 people will help me laugh at myself if I fail in an epic fashion.

I am extremely blessed to have those 3 people.

And yes I did fail to learn how to code.

But I learned.

I learned that coding is hard as hell and I have a newfound respect for the job that coders and programmers have, and their rates.

I did pick up a bit of the basics of html/CSS and with a little determination and Google-Fu I could use it for tiny, basic, adjustments.

I learned how to fail and move on.

I am excited to fail. I am excited to finally have guts and stand out.

Because I play poker for a living, people assume I am some insane degenerate always taking risks.

In reality it is the opposite, I am measured and hesitant in my decision making. Risk-averse for sure.

In poker circles, I am considered a life-nit. Always playing it safe, not willing to put in a big bet to win a big pot.

No more.

Playing it safe is being fake.

It’s taking the edge off your art at the fear of offending someone. It’s deleting a post because you took the opposite stance from somebody and don’t want to make them angry. It’s not offering assistance to a person who needs it just because nobody else is doing it.

Being authentic is exposing yourself so the whole world can see your warts.

Taking a risk is trying to bring a smile to a frowning face when everyone else ignores them. That’s putting yourself out there. That’s remarkable.

Ignoring that face, that’s apathetic.

Forgettable. Simple. Lazy.

Just the fact that I wrote this proves I am practicing what I am preaching.

Instigate something. The whole world is moving at breakneck speed. Standing still is not only moving backwards but you are very likely to get run over.

Picture the running of the bulls in Spain. They let loose 6–12 bulls in a closed down street and hundreds if not thousands of people attempt to outrun them. It’s beautiful organized chaos wrapped in a mind warping adrenaline rush, happening at lightning speed.

How life should be, and often is.

Do you think it is wise to be stagnant without any care or conviction and just hope these bulls pass you by?

Join me and fail with me. The first fail is the hardest but it is also the most valuable.

Start something new this week. Take an hour and think about what your soul has been begging for.

Learn how to dance.

Take your cooking skills from making cereal to sizzling steak.

Step up and help your community in a way it is needed.

Last month I started writing.

This month I’m learning piano, starting my own website (first step in shifting to a full freelancing lifestyle), and starting a support group on Facebook.

I expect to flounder at 2 of these things and I also expect to write about, laugh at, and learn from them.

Please join me as having a fail party all by myself would be no fun.