Most leading relationship experts find that straight women most often prefer to feel emotional connection and safety with their partner before they can feel the desire for sex. This bore out in my research, as well. Most single women rejected the prospects of one-night stands and anonymous sex entirely. More than two-thirds said they generally avoid having casual sex; nearly four out of five said that at this time in their lives, they would prefer to be having sex in the context of a committed partnership.
Besides, the reason I’m writing this at all is because I read through a lot of men’s responses to the Aziz Ansari story. I came away feeling like the pat takeaway for many was the idea of contractual consent = good, rape = bad. Many men framed sexual consent as a private negotiation, a contract negotiated by two parties afforded equal rights and privileges. I saw men pitching phone apps that would lock in a partner’s consent so as to leave a legally binding papertrail. Men were literally congratulating themselves on gaming the moral and ethical concept of consent, their eyes getting twinkly with the batshit idea that this is the million-dollar idea they were born to develop.