Fear and Loathing of the Writer Self
The writer “me” wrestles with fear and loathing. The analytical “me” tells the writer “me” he’s an idiot and shut up. Both have valid points; I ignore them and write. One word after another, “enter” button to the next paragraph, there we go . . . .
The accumulative “we” are plagued with doubts, thrashed by rejection, and harried by the many duties required to be writers in the modern world: write, edit, post, respond, research, follow, send, wait, research some more, wait some more, all the while writing every day and dripping sweat onto our keyboards.
Writing is a wonderful thing.
One person appreciates what you agonized over, so who cares that no-good editor sent you a form rejection? Place that rejection in your collection-of-rejection file, send the story to the next market on your list — that reader might be the one to give your life’s work credence. Hope: Keep it, Embrace it.
Only you can tell the stories you have to tell. Oh, sure, learn the craft, study published authors, every day add new knowledge to your masterpiece. That’s how it should be.
It’s as simple as that. Not quite, eh? What’s the problem? Time and responsibilities got you down? Does “What do I Write About” haunt you? Vow to never grow stagnant. Create something outside your field of interest, your genre, and experiment.
You see, it does not matter what you write, only that you do. Writing is what matters, and the prose can be anything other than a grocery list. Butt in the seat, fingers on the keyboard, thoughts transcribed in front of you. The crux of writing is writing. Can I be any clearer?
I understand it’s infinitely easier to sit on the porch sipping lemon aide, dreaming of being a writer and going to book signings, being lauded as the next great novelist.
I once dreamed of playing guitar. I never owned one, didn’t practice, took no courses to learn music.
At one point I wanted to be an artist, but I can’t draw a straight line with a ruler. I never practiced other than scratching out one-dimensional stick men.
Dreams, mists, nothing more.
Is that what writing is to you? I will be blunt: if that is your attitude, if washing your hair takes priority over ironing out a plot problem or further developing a character, you are not a fiction writer.
It’s okay to not be a writer, just as it’s okay to not be a chef.
For me, writing satisfies a yearning and passion — it nurtures my soul. It may not be for you, and that’s okay.
But if the passion boils in you, simmers in a constant stew of writing thoughts, discard the negative as you would an old toothbrush — no regrets. Then please, please reach out to the keyboard or pad of paper and write. Create your dreams, and then share them with the rest of us.
The fear and loathing may huddle in the shadows, but at least your dreams will be a tangible reality — nobody can take that away from you, and perhaps the next editor on your list will hoist your by-line for the world to see.
See you on the next page,