I still have those days when I wonder if the medicine is working. When my thoughts are all I care to think about. When I let the outside in. I still grasp at the air around me wanting more than to breathe it in. I still take deep breaths, and short quick ones, all to hear what else this air will do- before it gives up on me. Those days I sit very still, and let the animals inside me loose on a race track. I watch them build, and love, and tear each other apart. I let go, I let them run free, I give the beasts control.