Having Your Cake and Eating it Too

Almost thirty years ago I was sitting in the cafeteria of the local community college I attended to get my grades back up after a challenging first year at a four-year institution, when an acquaintance I knew from my high school asked to sit with me.

Tim was a few years older than I, and had hung out with the cool guys who were in what passed for a gang in our suburban/rural, mostly white area. The group was mostly made up of heavy-partying football players, and it was more a fraternity than a gang. However, I knew that this particular guy had recently joined some of his friends in a different gang; born again Christians.

I was polite to him, but a bit on guard as I tried to figure out why he wanted to sit with me, a non-football player — soccer was looked down on at the time — who was anything but cool in high school. I quickly came to the conclusion that I was about to get a earful of proselytizing, and so I did what comes natural to me. I tried to look busy.

Tim didn’t try to sell me on Jesus that day, but somehow he noticed I was ill at ease, and I was surprised that he guessed why. I don’t recall much of the conversation that day, but something he did say while we ate lunch has stuck with me all these years.

“Rick, this cake I have here in front of me could be the best cake in the world. It could be so delicious that I would be compelled to share it with everyone. But if you didn’t want cake, and I tried ot force it down your throat, you would choke on it, and not enjoy it.”

This story isn’t about cake, and it certainly isn’t about finding Jesus. But lately as the political drama of the 2016 presidential campaign unfolds I can’t stop hearing Tim’s words in my head.

Like many people, my social media circles are filled with friends with similar connections, interests and political leanings. And while I have many friends with different opinions than my own, I often use the tools of these online communities to filter some of the chatter. Not exclusively because of differing opinions, but for other reasons. Someone may share too many silly memes for my liking, while another may use the platform exclusively to complain about things that aren’t really problems. The result is an echo chamber of people who more often than not agree with me on issues.

However, this presidential season has been different. This time there is a great deal of animosity between friends who mostly agree politically.

I’ll get this out of the way. I am a Bernie Sanders supporter. I moved to Vermont in 2005, I have met the man, and I like him a great deal. I am also not a member of the Democratic Party. When I moved to Vermont I was so very happy to learn I could choose to not affiliate myself with a political party. I am an independent with a lowercase i. I have donated a few times — $27 each — to Bernie’s presidential campaign.

Like many other people who support Sanders — and many who didn’t — I have been disappointed in the way the Democratic National Committee has handled themselves during this campaign. In my opinion the Parties have too much control over the process of electing people who will govern all of us, and it should be more inclusive, not exclusive. I was hopeful, up until Monday evening, that Bernie would become the candidate, but I am not delusional and knew it was highly unlikely.

Hillary Rodham Clinton is the candidate, and she will take on the monster that is Donald J. Trump. She is far from my ideal candidate, and even though I probably have the luxury of voting my conscious in November because Vermont’s 3 electoral votes are unlikely to mean much, I will vote for Secretary Rodham Clinton. This is the exact moment I have made this decision. I haven’t said this to anyone other than my wife.

I rarely discuss my voting preferences in public. It is something my father instilled in me. That information is private, which is why there are voting booths. When asked for whom he was voting, he would always answer (somewhat jokingly) “anyone but the incumbents.” It is also why I never put political bumper stickers on my car, and why I won’t host yard signs. I find these things divisive. That’s just how I was raised.

I know this is getting long, and I haven’t even come to my point, but I hope you will continue to read. What compelled me to write this story and recall Tim’s words to me all those years ago is not to announce to the world my voting intension.

My reason for needing to type these words is my concern for the tone of this election. The first night of the Democratic National Convention I was dismayed at those people who claim to support the ideals of Bernie Sanders loudly booing while people were trying to give speeches. I said as much on my Facebook page, and mostly received support from my echo chamber comrades. But I am equally disappointed in those who use social media to ridicule, and bully Sanders supporters into getting in line and supporting Clinton.

Donald Trump — among his many, many, many faults — is a bully. Bullying is never a good thing. Bullying others while trying to get them to support your political candidate is still bullying, and will more likely result in those being pressured to dig their heels in more, and not give in.

Sanders supporters are passionate people and it is not their intention to help elect Donald Trump. The want a more progressive platform for the Democratic Party. Clinton supporters are also passionate about their candidate, and with the added historical aspects of her candidacy as the first woman to be the nominee of a major party, many are righty excited about getting her into the Oval Office.

Please think of the words Tim said, and not try to force your cake down other people’s throats. Instead of using your voice on Twitter, Facebook, Tumbler, etc., as a bully pulpit to belittle Bernie Sanders supporters — and even Donald Trump supporters — try to make your case for your candidate in a polite manner. If you are compelled to speak up, “big up” your candidate. Don’t attempt tear down someone else, and certainly don’t ridicule people with differing opinions. Speak of the positive things you believe she will do for this country. “At least she’s not Donald Trump” isn’t enough.

But please don’t attempt to blame them in advance for a potential Trump presidency. That is bullying, and that won’t work.