Twitter is fun and horrible and exhilirating and exhausting and informative and rotten

The challenge of concise writing is what first drew me to Twitter a few years back. I was practicing stand-up and figured the forum would be an interesting exercise in tightening my writing style, the infamous 144 character limit being the standout element. I wrote some jokes, did threads of recipes when I was cooking (one of my favorite home activities), did a live Twitter riff of the ridiculous Disney movie “Prince of Persia: Sands of Time,” and followed a whole lot of comedians, politicians, news sources, and other interesting folk.

Then the dark times crept in. You likely know what I’m referring to.

Bag of shit that thinks it is a patriotic U.S. citizen

Fat bag of offal whose father had dementia and that shit’s genetic, fake businessman, cowardly draft dodging, unpatriotic tax cheating, self-admitted multiple sexual assault perpetrator, religious bigot, and well-documented racist Donald J. Trump ran for president.

I found myself aggregating a LOT of information on him. I found myself watching polls betray the voter suppression and disillusion I knew the GOP had been engaging in for decades and retweeted and/or expressed aggressive opinions about their habits. My jokes were less jokes and more outright insults.

Suddenly, I found myself battling trolls. Mostly anonymous trolls, with crazy pictures of eagles & trucks & Jesus on their profile banners. Most were clearly robots or non-U.S. citizens looking to influence a foreign nation’s populace. I read “LIBTARD “ and “SJW” in so many of their comments, it was grueling. I found myself getting nasty and coming up with a slew of insults.

“I hope your mother is kicked in the cunt for letting you drizzle out then congeal.” — I wrote that one to so many of them when it was clear all they wanted to do was spew hyperbolic nonsense, it’s near-impossible for me to recall the total number of instances. But it was a LOT.

I began aggregating evidence that Donald J. Trump has an incredibly unhealthy sexual attraction to his cosmetically modified daughter. I posted the infamous picture of her appearing to give him a lapdance, the links to the interviews wherein he called her a “piece of ass” and to the video where he told Wendy Williams that SEX was the thing he had most in common with Ivanka.

EVERY 15 year old girl totally grinds on her father during a Beach Boys concert — totally normal…..

As history shows, Drumpf (his family name, changed because they knew it makes them sound like the dumbfucks they truly are) was given the job of U.S. president by an Electoral College which was invented when slavery was peachy and women didn’t vote.

I persisted. I reminded his supporters that he did NOT win the election; that Hillary Clinton beat him in the popular vote by 3 million, and that another 8 million voted third party. Literally, Drumpf does NOT have a mandate and is NOT popular.

Last I checked, it’s not government by the LAND, for the LAND, of the LAND.

Map by Benjamin Henrig,

You’d think the DrumpfTrolls (or DrumpfTards as I was prone to call them) would rest on their laurels. But something magical happened…

More and more citizens expressed outrage at his election, at the horrible kinds of people he was picking to head U.S. institutions, at his policies & presidential proclamations. And his Twitter habit, as close as I suspect we’ll ever get to understanding the direct thoughts of a maniac who is essentially a puppet acting at the whims of a collection of Russian oligarchs and whose mother sent him to military school because she fucking KNEW he was no good.

No WAY this beast wasn’t going to birth someone as rotten as Drumpf… That hair looks familiar….

As more Twitter users gathered to cheer on protests and/or participate in them, to share information, and so forth, the more aggressive the robots & DrumpfTrolls became. They didn’t just engage in name-calling, resulting in my own desire to crush their tiny little heads to drive me to also engage in name-calling, they and their sock-puppets starting using the “Report” feature.

A lot.

I cycled through three Twitter usernames in nearly as many months, always vowing never to let the fuckers trick me into becoming enraged enough to fall for their shenanigans. But they changed their tactics. Now, if you posted a picture of Ivanka from her modeling days and included a picture of the plastic surgery she was “given” as a child (presumably because Dear Daddy likes a very plastic looking woman), they would falsely claim you were a pedophile who photoshopped her picture.

Fake on the outside, just another ugly Trump on the inside

And have you banned.

I posted a Twitter rant which garnered me a visit from the Secret Service. THAT did not result of the removal of the Twitter account I was using at the time. But the targeted reports by the trolls and their bots when all you do is identify Drumpf as a bag of shit? They are insurmountable; like a video game in which the never-ending stream of enemies plow toward you in orderly fashion while you steadily watch the ammo count go down, until — finally — you’re out of bullets and they overtake you.

Last I checked, President DrumpfTard has over 15 million robot followers on Twitter. Until the site corrects this issue, suppression of speech and the expression of ideas on the medium will only become more direct targets of the most rancid people with computers living on our planet.

And I have a feeling they’re NOT going to just go away once Donny is removed from office like the fucking criminal he is. They’ll find another puppet to prop up, and they’ll troll, cajole, and otherwise ruin what should be a fun social media experience.

I have not used Twitter for five days at the time I’m writing this. It’s been weird. I miss the instant interactions, the real-time release of information and news, and dare I say the influence I had over others when the right joke or connection made a difference in people’s thinking; losing the camaraderie is heartbreaking! There are so many funny, brilliant, well-thought people in this world using Twitter.

I noticed a pattern as well… when my followers total crept toward the four-hundred mark, the robots and DrumpfTrolls became more and more aggressive. I’m a funny guy who relates to a lot of people (sometimes off the mark, as my recent comments regarding the Bill Maher N-word incident proved… I wasn’t trying to insult anyone but was testing the limits, and I was wrong, but hey… I learned my limits), and apparently DrumpfTrolls REALLY don’t like it when you relate to people.

And I have a feeling that is essentially the intent of the trolls. To suppress interaction to only the topics they deem as safe or appropriate.

And that is just about the most anti-American thing I can think of. They’re trying to kill free speech and assembly with robots. Will Twitter do anything about it? Probably not. But they really, really should.

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