I lost to the universe today,
or yesterday? I couldn’t be sure.
You know when you meet someone.
And you just click instantly.
You can’t really explain why.
It feels like something ties us together, something bigger than all of us.
Maybe it is the universe.
It seems the universe wants to form a team.
The best team in the world.
I wish it were that simple.
But sometimes the universe decides to cut the ties.
The universe wants to create the best team,
but still has no idea what it wants.
No matter how hard I hold the ties.
It is certain that I’m the only one who has to lose.
I have so many questions, but the universe remains indifferent.
I want to go back to the past, humans should be much simpler back then.
There are two stories about human being.
It takes place in a long time ago, before society came into existence.
It was called the state of nature.
One story tells that state of…
My productivity has dropped quite a bit, but at least I could write something today..
Humans, they don’t simply just live in this world.
They play multiple roles.
When they can barely walk.
Their parents tell them not to cry.
And that’s the first role they have to play.
To hide the pain from others.
At the first day of school.
Their parents tell them to smile and be kind to others.
They are given another role, in order to fit in the society.
There comes a time when they don’t have to play those roles.
It is when they are alone.
They don’t have to be someone else when they’re on their own.
Just like I thought when I saw humans for the first time.
When they live as themselves.
They are lonely beasts.
I feel like this month is going to be great, or not?
Humans are depressed beasts.
They cannot live by themselves.
They have a glimpse of hope but still cannot escape from horrible curses.
How do they manage to survive for thousands of years?
They are blessed with the power to reason.
With it, humans have achieved great things.
Economics, literature, industrial revolution.
But they have one more thing.
It is faith.
Unlike reason, faith is admitting that something is beyond rational thinking.
It is a leap to the unknown, abandoning reason.
As pointless as it seems.
It is a choice made from within, from passion.
It is an act of freedom.
No more dogs, not cool at all. Now back to those beasts..
When humans are supposed to be happy, they imagine themselves happy.
They are a pleasure seeker.
They seek entertainment, relationships, and wealth.
But when the world decides to remove those pleasures.
The result is despair.
One of those horrible curses.
One can despair over something. But that is just the start.
A man despairs over his lover, because she left him.
The self of his, is now a torture to him.
Because now this self has to be a self without his lover.
It is a despair over one’s own self.
It is a complete darkness once the curse takes over.
So dark that their last hope could be death.
I was observing dogs for a while, unlike humans they are crazy simple.
An old man once said this.
There is no design of human being.
I still disagree.
But one thing I know is that their reality is without a defined end goal.
They may distract themselves from this reality.
They may create greatest art, greatest literature.
But all of them will eventually become nothing.
Their life seem to be meaningless.
I remember a story of about a king called Sisyphus.
He was condemned to roll an enormous boulder up a hill.
Only for it to fall every time Sisyphus neared the summit.
Repeating this action for eternity.
I feel like every human is just like Sisyphus.
They live a meaningless life, yet they still do.
It seems the struggle itself is enough to fill their heart.
Human is a bit depressing, maybe I should observe dogs instead?
Everyone likes to do what they find fun, human is no exception.
Some like to play with their friends.
Some like to read books alone in their room.
But there‘s something in the world they are living.
What a great day, but then I found something depressing…
Human is by nature a social animal. An old man said that.
When they first came into this world, they were unable to care for themselves.
They learn from each other, they work together, creating wonders. …
I feel relatively well, no more nightmares..
Humans can be fun at times.
They feel excited when they discover new things.
When they have a wonderful trip with their friends, they feel joy.
They also smile a lot, even though most of them are probably fake.
But you can’t forget about the curse.
The curse that closes them down, trapping them within themselves.
This curse destroys the fun.
But they have something.
Something that comes out when circumstances are dire.
When they are in a constant struggle between expectations and reality.
It is hope.
Hope gives human strength.
It’s like a dim light in the darkness.
Is this part of the design of human being?
I thought they were just a beast.
But apparently, deep within them is a belief.
That things could change.
I do not feel good, but I have to finish this report.
I do think human is actually a beast.
They restrict themselves in order to achieve harmony.
They lie to fit in the society.
They make new friends, using them to distract themselves from a horrible curse.