Depression isn’t something i’ve ever been good at putting into words but here goes nothing.
It’s the feeling you get when you’re sitting there thinking about yourself and you just start to cry suddenly. Or when you can’t sleep at 3am and you’re wondering why you aren’t as worthy as she was. How about when you had that really good friend but you couldn’t hold the friendship bc your mood was so inconsistent. Maybe all the times you’ve made plans then 5 min before made an excuse bc you just don’t wanna be seen in public or around all these happy people
You wonder all the time why you can’t be normal, why you can’t have love like someone else can. All these people have torn you down and belittled you, yet you’re the one suffering the consequences. You’re the type of person who’ll put your all into something but always get shot down and time after time you break down a lil more. Or how you just can’t let yourself love you for who you are. It’s a constant unworthy feeling of judgement and sadness and anger. Everyday you wakeup hoping you can let yourself be happy and let yourself feel worthy of life. But you fail so it goes back to 3am when you’re sitting there telling yourself you’re not worth this life you’ve been given.
My depression ended with me laying on the floor in my bathroom with alcohol poisoning and an almost overdose on some pills. That wasn’t a solution, but seeing my life flash before my eyes made me realize i can’t leave. I have so much left to do in this world, i’ve worked to hard to give up. I couldn’t leave my family, I can’t be the reason that they go through what I did
I have purpose, just gotta find it.