All the Words I’m Too Afraid to Say

Riley Johnston
Jul 25, 2017 · 2 min read

Why was I never good enough for you?

When will the pain of losing you go away?

I never expected to fall for you, but I’m so glad I did.

Why do I still care when you obviously don’t?

What if I never love anyone else the way that I loved you?

It kills me to be without you. My chest hurts more with every picture I see of you.

I’m going to miss the cold fingers and warm palms. The clean soap smell with a hint of cologne. I’m going to miss the late nights and your body fitting like a puzzle fitting in to mine. I’m going to miss your five o’clock shadow brushing my face as you planted a kiss on my cheek. I’m going to miss the warmth that you gave me instead of my usual cold. But most of all, I’m going to miss you.

I felt at home when I’m with you.

I’d give anything to have another shot at this, to be able to start over again.

My heart hurts knowing I’ll never be able to wake up to the sun lighting up your face, while I danced my fingers up and down your arm, waiting for you to wake up. It hurts me to know I’ll never get to laugh with you again, or annoy you during movies, or fight with you about where to eat, or wander around the cemetery.

I can’t fucking breathe without you.

Of all the hearts in this world, I only want yours.

I’m so sorry I’m not an easy person to love.

Most days you made me sad, but I always thought it was worth it, never doubt that for a second.

    Riley Johnston

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